Before the title of my post makes your mind jump to a wide spectrum of topics, let me tell you I am referring to this term in the meaning, an act of treachery, perpetrated on a partner in a deceit.
When we think of any relationship, the very first quality that comes to our minds that binds people together is trust. When we love someone we take their word for granted, their actions with the faith that they must have some hidden good intent (if not an obvious one). I believe the same should be true among spouses.
I do not wish to claim that I never ever tell a lie, but I try, my level best to tell the truth at every possible point. When I got married I had similar thoughts in my mind. As time moved on, I started getting slight hints that my husband had this strange habit of trying to impress everyone at the same time. I know it’s a habit many of us possess. How bad this habit can prove to yourself and to the people around you totally depends on the extent to which you go to fulfill this urge to be pleasant to everyone who knows you. The whole picture changes dimension when selfishness sneaks in.
He was literally trying to stay afloat with his legs in two boats simultaneously. One being me and the other my in-laws. He’d gladly agree to everything his mum would say (complaints about the inadequate dowry given and the like) and at the same time he’d try to be sympathetic to me saying I shouldn’t be worried about what his mum says though my parents should have taken care about the wishes of my in-laws. Those moments were painful, filled me with anger and doubt but I always forgave him thinking he’s learning to balance his life between a wife and his parents.
Time rolled on, but this habit only changed magnitude and not form. He was getting smarter and more efficient in literally double-crossing me. Not only with my in-laws but now even with my parents. He’d tell my parents stories of our financial constraints cause of some troubles he had at his workplace during the global financial crisis, gently hinting them that they were the sole people we (me and my husband) would look towards if we needed any (financial) help.
All these sad-talks-to-gain-sympathy would happen in the hours I wasn’t around (either I would be at work or gone for grocery shopping or the like). He would tell me that he’d spoken to my parents but would narrate an altogether different kind of story. He’d show concern about my parents getting older and being far away from where we lived. How he was planning on buying a big house so that they could visit us and stay with us for longer periods. At that point of time, I had no doubts what-so-ever on my husband’s intentions. I trusted him more than I ever trusted myself. That’s the biggest mistake I ever committed.
Trusting people is desirable but blind faith should never be done. Not even on your spouse.
Days changed to months and then to years. I am now fully aware of the extent to which my husband can tell lies and even double cross me and my parents or anyone for that matter without any hesitation if doing so fulfills any of his motives. Telling a lie is his favorite pass-time. He can spin stories in no time and refuse any of his stories blaming you to be a liar.
The condition has deteriorated to the extent that these days when am on the verge of a legal separation, he calls me to tell me that it’s my parents who wanted me to stay with them in their old age that’s why they are misguiding me against him.
He has been coming up with a new story each time he talks to me or anyone who is supporting me in this hour of crisis, just to seek pleasure on seeing me and my baby suffer. He has been trying to snatch all possible resources I have so that I finally beg before him to let me be his wife. The dirty old mindset that Indian families want to see their daughters stay married at whatever cost.
Such behavior fills me with anger and feelings of disgust for him, but at the same time all these actions are crying out loud to tell me, I’ll be a fool if I don’t pay heed to these warning signs and decide to return to such a man.
Don’t ever let anyone play with your faith in them or anyone else, be vigilant and keep things clear for the sake of peace of mind. Don’t let the things go unverified if they raise slightest of doubt in your logical mind.
Listen to your heart and use your brains for in the end we’ll be solely responsible for all our actions and decisions.
The song on my mind: