Let’s continue from where I stopped last.
My husband was too occupied doing things he wanted to finish while I was miles away and I was too sick to be able to keep an eye on him. The money I had saved for our my baby’s future was being spent on buying jewelry. Not for me and neither for our baby but for my MIL and her daughters (i.e. my SILs). It was a very disturbing fact that hurt me like I had been stabbed.
The outcome of all the financial and emotional insecurities was, my blood pressure was rising with each passing minute and with each argument between me and my husband on the phone. My gynecologist’s constant reminders and constant requests by my parents asking my hubby to not talk on any issue that might stress me up were all in vain. My hubby never bothered about the outcome his insensitive actions and words were having on both of us (me and my baby).
No-matter how hard I tried to keep stress and worries at bay,the dark thoughts of financial and emotional insecurity looming over my life in the form of reckless spending by my husband and rude, rough and nonchalant attitude by my in-laws only added fuel to fire. The high blood pressure brought along many other complications. My baby’s growth was persistently retarded, needing me to have very frequent sonographies for constant monitoring. They repeated my sonographies sometimes every week.
I was on a long list of medications. Yeah, a time when I should be staying away even from the smell of drugs I was actually consuming ten different items just to stay alive and hope that my baby would survive the full term. It was a nightmare come true. The high blood pressure seemed to see its highest limits for I couldn’t put off the worry of the growth retardation my baby was suffering and hiding the medical reports from me was not possible for I too am from the same field.
My feet were swollen to almost four times, none of my footwear would fit in. I was losing proteins especially albumin in very large amounts in urine further endangering growth of the baby. The amniotic fluids were on a decline and the extreme morning sickness didn’t let me keep food for longer than few minutes. The outcome, I was put on regular IV infusions for the last four months of my pregnancy. I was strictly advised to lie on my left lateral side all the time and as stated before my strict bed-rest was made stricter.Normal weight gain was a topic long forgotten.(In medical terminology the condition is termed as pre-eclampsia.)
Despite all the complications, nothing changed in my husband’s behavior. All he had to say to comfort me was, “it’s OK it happens with everyone. See even my sister is pregnant and she is coping it all with a smile, so you too will be OK.” For the records, my SIL’s pregnancy was an ideal one. No morning sickness, ideal weight gain, no issues with blood pressure or swelling in feet, C-section and perfect delivery of a healthy baby.
It was a time when my mum, my dad and myself felt that hell had broken lose for the tough times didn’t seem to end. We would get very worried before every visit to the gynecologist, worrying what new complication she might mention today. Time moved on, my feet and veins of both hands and arms (because of repeated infusions to normalize the amniotic fluid levels) were badly swollen by the time I stepped in my third trimester.
At this point of time, I tried to keep myself updated by reading as much I could manage with my current situation. The book I read was From The Hips: A Comprehensive, Open-Minded, Uncensored, Totally Honest Guide To Pregnancy, Birth, And Becoming A Parent~Rebecca Odes, Ceridwen Morris. I’d highly recommend this book, for it actually is a comprehensive account touching on all aspects of pregnancy in a very reader friendly format.
The other most important thing that has helped me at every step and has kept me going is the Gayatri Mantra. I would utter it for hours while lying on the left lateral side with a drip in my arm.
I believe every culture in the world including India has a tradition called baby shower/Seemantham/Agarni/ and other similar names. Where the family (the husband, in-laws and everyone) pray for the mother-to-be and her baby. But, I was the only unfortunate bride whose in-laws said, they didn’t have any such tradition. No prayers or good wishes were needed to be formally sent my way despite the critical condition I was in.
The only tradition my in-laws have is to receive gifts and money from the girl’s family when a baby boy is born.It’s sickening and absolutely nauseating to even think of the horrid dialogues that were said at those times. During the eighth month my gynecologist expressed possibility of a premature delivery or anything going very wrong for my blood pressure was then at very dangerous levels despite very high levels of anti hypertension medications.
The high blood pressure didn’t serve good if the need to operate would arise or they wanted to save the baby by inducing labor for I would bleed to death before the procedure itself. The stress was mounting with each passing minute, but we had to wait and watch. For those who say, the nine months fly in no time, I literally lived every minute of those 9 months in fear.
Time moved on and I successfully reached the ninth month. Around 12 days short of my due date, when I visited my gynecologist, I was feeling bit healthier and relaxed than I usually did. My gynecologist measured my blood pressure and uttered something very softly to my dad. She looked worried but that was the norm with me around, for I was among the most difficult cases she had seen in her career of 40 years. She examined me and didn’t reveal my blood pressure to me despite my constant asking. The only audible line she said was, admit her in next half an hour. I somehow sneaked at my prescription slip while she was busy instructing my dad. My blood pressure that evening was, 180/120 (the normal blood pressure is 120/80).
the next part is my birth story.
The Song on my mind:
The Era I Lived In 
pre-eclampsia or eclampsia doesn’t happen to everybody…how could people say its normal…. I know it’s a dangerous situation for both mom and baby..my husband’s bhabhi had this problem for both of her pregnancies and she was admitted in hospital for last 2 months of pregnancies….
thank god, that you both are safe…. Take care….
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nice song .. Par kadam hi saath na den to musafir kya kare…
one of my favourite song so true to life ..
and the article well you are out of all that mess now .. so smile
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Every single time I read your pregnancy chronicles I am left at a loss for words. The only thing that keeps me from stressing too much is knowing the fact that you have a healthy, beautiful baby in your arms now.
Loads of hugs Era.
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आपके गर्भवती होने के बावजूद ऐसा दुर्व्यवहार! आपके पति ने न तो आपके स्वास्थ्य के बारे में सोचा और न ही अजात शिशु के। उन्हे तो केवल अपनी माँ व बहनों के हित की चिंता थी।
मैथिलीशरण गुप्त की कविता “मनुष्यता” की कुछ पंक्तियाँ याद आती हैं:
अपनी धर्मपत्नी, जिसकी सदा रक्षा करने का प्रण हर विवाहित पुरुष लेता है, के साथ ऐसा क्रूर व्यवहार बेहद निँदनीय है। मैं तो यहाँ तक कहूँगी की ऐसे व्यक्ति को पति कहलाने का भी कोई अधिकार नहीं है।
मैं आपका नाम तक नही जानती, फिर भी आम इनसानियत के नाते, आपका यह वर्णन पढ़कर मेरा ह्रदय काँप उठा। फिर वे तो आपके पति थे ! आपकी पीड़ा को समझना, कठिन परिस्थिति में आपका साथ देना, आपके शारीरिक व मानसिक स्वास्थ्य का ध्यान रखना, यह सब तो उनका कर्तव्य था ।
आप वास्तव में एक वीर नारी हैं।
I applaud your courage and strength.
PS: Hope it is not a problem if I comment in Hindi rather than english. I can speak both the languages, but am more comfortable with hindi. Still, if you prefer, I can comment in English too.
Have a nice day! 🙂
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Your pregnancy chronicles made for disturbing reading, Era. Pregnancy is a difficult state to be in in the best of conditions. Your difficulties were compounded by a series of medical complications as well as emotional trauma. Thank God you and your baby were able to emerge victorious out of it all. Hugs to both of you.
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The book is one of the best you could get..It was a marriage gift to me by amma’s colleague..really helped a lot..And era,I am not sure if I can understand what you had gone through full and deep, but When the world gets tough,we have to be tougher…Good luck..And about the ceremonies,I know what all they would demand..Infact I had secretly wished that SIL get married to a family who are like my in-laws in asking,..Just so that they know what my parents and I had gone through.But instead she got married to a family who were too decent that they dint accept a single penny as dowry.Infact they rejected what was given politely…
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the pain you have been through is unimaginable ME.. a big tight hug..
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Good that you are writing this series after several months, now that I know you and Pari is safe, otherwise I would have been dead out of stress. Reading itself is making me in tears and I could feel the pain you went through. You are a super strong girl, I am so proud of you ..Take care of you and Pari from those greedy monsters..
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Pingback: What should a husband do in a situation like this? « The Era I lived in…
I missed this and birth story! I salute you Myera for your amazing inner strength! I should come back here often and read these when I get into my me-me-me mode! I am glad you got rid of those toxic people from your life. Those fools do not deserve such beautiful people like you or your Pari in their sad, pathetic, narrow and money minded lives.
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Pingback: Facts about marriages with no demand for dowry #3 | The Era I lived in…
Dont know what to say..I’ve undergone 3 miscarriages and I’ve been through very difficult physical and emotional hardships..I’m still in the hope of becoming a mom..I hope that the enxt post in this series ended up in a good and happy ending..Found your blog via blog-hopping through GB’s blog..Will catch up with all your posts…
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Welcome to my blog sramya19
Sending loads of good wishes and prayers your way to help you overcome this difficult time and may your dream to be a mum be fulfilled soon.
Hugs
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Hi,
I stumbled to your blog from GB’s. U have gone through so many things and yet you have/had a strong face in spite of everything.I didn’t get to read your next post so i assume that you now are a mother to a beautiful baby.
I can totally relate to the pressure that you faced in the course of getting pregnant and after that as i am going through the same.Your story has given me an inspiration that i can succeed too. Thanks My Era.
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Welcome to my blog Pavitra.
I am sorry to learn about the difficult time you are going through and sincerely hope things get better for you soon.
Yes, I finally gave birth to a baby girl who is now two years old.
My best wishes for your pregnancy 🙂
*Hugs*
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Thanks My Era 🙂
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Hello, I’ve been reading your posts and can’t help but wonder, how all this hasn’t made you feel bitter regarding marriage. Right now I’m going through some really tough times and strangely I have everything I need to be happy but I’m not. Some very important things haven’t been working out for me from the last four years. All my hard work seems futile and my failure is not making me try at all when it should be making me do the opposite. I feel so worthless. Also can I have the password for the birth story? Please.
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Hi Luna,
I am sorry to learn about the difficult phase you are going through in life. I sincerely hope things get favourable for you to fight all odds out of your life.
Please email me at: theerailivedin (at) gmail (dot) com
I’ll be more than happy to share the password with you.
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