If you’ve missed the story so far, please read the part-1 before continuing.
Some time back, I had asked my readers to answer, What is the true essence of a marriage? I got a variety of replies. The reason behind my question and my own beliefs will come to fore as you read this series further.
From the start, I have believed that marriages are basically the bonding of two individuals who lovingly accept the responsibility of respecting the emotional values and attachment each partner holds for the family they have been a part of.
My belief was shaken when my husband declared that his family held most importance for him in the entire world and since after marriage I will be a part of the family I better mingle well and become one of them. I know it could be put in better words, explained in refiner terms but that was what has been pushed down my throat, no matter how difficult it was for me to swallow.
Fine. I was part of the family, so far so good. My husband stood by the family virtues of demanding dowry in unison with other members. But when it came to respecting me as a part of the family, marriage became a bond of two individuals, where his family had its own sweet will to love or respect me if they please. The changing colors of chameleon became visible to me over time, else I would have never committed the blunder of going overseas to live with this man.
The old values of ‘things will get OK with time’ made me give my brand-new marriage a chance. I wanted to let my husband have a life with me, know me personally and then decided if he still stood by what he did in the initial days of our marriage. I did just that.
As time moved on the issue of clothes (sarees, etc. gifted to my in-laws) slowly started shifting to gold gifted in the wedding. I guess I forgot to mention, that my elder sis-in-law had demanded zardozi work salwar kameez to be gifted to her along with sarees. The outcome, the clothes she’d received were thrown on my face ( literally) in the presence of my husband and my MIL saying she deserved something heaps better( explained to me as costing more than 6 to 7 thousand rupees each).
I have no clue what made me swallow the pain and cruelty behind these actions, but I did without a word. Under such circumstances, I took a life-changing decision to take all my gold with me. That was the trigger of the fight that never ended and had a massive impact on all our lives.
I wanted to keep my gold belongings with me to wear them whenever I pleased. More so, I could no longer trust these people with the jewelry I had bought keeping in mind my life overseas and matching my wardrobe. Anyhow, my husband was strongly against the idea for he wanted all precious items including my sarees and gold of every sort (including daily wear earrings, rings etc.) to stay with his parents. He argued they’ll keep them safely and the gold will be of use in case his mom etc wanted to wear them, after all, it belonged to the family now. Besides, there won’t be any need to wear any jewelry while overseas.
The minute this argument ensued, my in-laws made it an issue so big as if this very fight would determine the success of our marriage, for they told my husband that if he is a man he better gets his wife under control now and once for all. My sis-in-law suggested that the artificial sets (imitation jewelry) she had gifted be the only set I should take along for safety reasons.
At one point in the argument, when I again raised the question as to why had they not let my parents know beforehand if they wanted money and gold so desperately, my MIL was about to spill the beans of their real intentions, just when my FIL jumped in and took control of the situation (successfully stopping my MIL from saying anything).
The MIL, FIL and the husband along with the elder sis-in-law tried everything they could, but I really don’t know how I actually succeeded in taking all my clothes and precious belongings along with me to my never-seen-before-home overseas.
Continue reading the next part…
The song on my mind: