When a boy cried

Crying out of joy, pain, loss or fear has been considered a feminine trait from times immemorial. Boys and men have always been socially conditioned to stand strong like a rock. No matter what may come, they aren’t allowed to cry.

We all have heard this countless times and see it repeating in our lives over and over again. I have a very different story to tell. Something that holds immense importance to me and something I have experienced first hand on countless occasions.

My husband has very liberal views as far masculinity, chauvinism, feminism, gender stereotypes and the like goes. Mind you these views stand hold till we are discussing them. Not in practice. But there is one rare trait that literally blew me the day I encountered it the very first time. The ability to cry anywhere, in front of anyone and any number of times.

I wouldn’t find it unusual or disturbing had it been a part of expressing true emotions. But we are dealing with crocodile tears syndrome (not in medical terms). It is a syndrome where the affected person has the power to shed tears anywhere and anytime to seek results of their liking or interest. It is commonly associated with women in Indian society but on this occasion the sufferer is my husband.

He doesn’t shy from crying in front of his boss to earn a soft corner, neither from shedding a tear or two to seek financial favors from my family. The most recent and shocking event had been when he cried in front of my lawyer. The tears were real and those tear filled red eyes literally made my lawyer go hostile (worrying that probably my in-laws and my poor husband were the victims in my marriage). My lawyer was so moved and genuinely touched by my husband’s Oscar worthy performance that he has been pushing me to reconsider my relation with my husband and giving my marriage a second chance for the sake of my daughter and a loving (despite knowing the facts I have written about in my earlier posts) husband.

I find it annoying and frustrating not because I have been conditioned to never see a man cry. In fact I have seen men in my family convey emotions normally. My father, my grand-father, even my brother have been seen crying on various occasions. But what my husband does is something unique and an absolute abuse of our sentiments for his selfish interests.

I am 100% confident that he will be at his emotional best during the trials of our divorce case. Even though it is a very disturbing fact seeing the way my lawyer had reacted, but I seek solace in the fact that law and justice gives no weightage to display of emotions. All that matters are the facts and evidences.

The song on my mind:

30 thoughts on “When a boy cried

  1. oh my .. i dont want to say anything about anyone but I am so glad that you are free from him and are living your life .. phewwwwwwwwwwwww …

    i guess that says it all.

    and sorry to say it BUT i would look at changing that lawyer , no matter whose fault it is or whatever it his. this is your lawyer he should be on ur side , even if you are the one who has done all the evil .. that is his job.. he is getting paid for it. Think about it .. you dont want your lawyer going hostile to you in the middle of the court case ..

    Take care always and God bless

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    1. I too have been thinking on the same lines as you about my lawyer…I was real angry when my lawyer was talking in favor of my opponent despite charging me a bomb in terms of fees.
      Thank you Bikram for raising the point 😀

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  2. The one thing i hate be it men or women is when they emotionally blackmail to get things done.
    How can somebody behave so cheap. The day when they learn money ain’t anything is not so far.

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  3. All this rings so uncannily familiar!
    Even the fake tears in front of the lawyer! How very similar in thinking and mentality are all these greedy manipulators! Besides this great talent of turning on the ‘tap’ that they have in their eyes whenever it suits them, they have also in store that amazing hurt-puppy dog expression which they use in order to manipulate people.

    Correct me if I am wrong, but I am sure that not only must have this ex of yours gone and cried in front of all his friends, family. Then if that were not enough, he must have also gone and cried in front of YOUR friends and YOUR family too and painted you like a devil and himself as the the poor-dear-and-oh-so-wronged-boy!

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  4. Emotion should be considered by law, but not fake emotion. I can’t imagine a man crying to his boss! I used to cry very often – not those crocodile tears…but when someone shouts or uses abusive words, water just flows from my eyes. But I feel bad at myself, and always control it when I m in crowd or outside. Probably even my parents haven’t seen my crying, but S has. It is an emotion, so not to be misused! I only wish the law and judgement is based on the actual facts and not these fake tears!!

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    1. Anu it is very difficult (almost impossible) to decide what is real and what is fake as far emotions go. Having place for emotions in the judicial system can prove fatal for countless innocent souls who are trapped and victimized by the manipulative culprits.

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  5. Strong Girl…..with these legal proceedings,u mite hv to face many more dramatic scenes….i m nt scaring u…but be strong as u are…..move yourself out of this person’s shadow as soon as possible…

    Hugs to ur “angel”….hw old is she, i think my gurl and pari r of same age (7 months)……

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  6. It is astounding how much people can do to manipulate people and situations.. Can’t understand how people can behave so cheap! Hope everything works out for you. After all that you have gone through, the least that we can hope is that everything works out for you.

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  7. It is difficult to go through your posts AND not comment. Especially this one.

    It is hard to have someone who has wronged you, trying to be all goody goody and playing a victim in front of those who matter, your lawyer in this case. But I am sure nothing can beat you – especially at this stage when you have almost achieved your target.

    My best wishes and prayers are with you…

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  8. Hi Myera, I hopped on to your blog today after reading your comment on mine. It was really heart-breaking to read the posts u’ve written on your traumatic experiences. But then, let me also say you have been very strong. It takes a lot to accept your fate and face each day in spite of the tough choices life throws at you. Hats off to your fighting spirit.
    I am sure one day you will feel vindicated and your daughter will be very proud of you! 🙂
    Hugs!!!

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