Crying out of joy, pain, loss or fear has been considered a feminine trait from times immemorial. Boys and men have always been socially conditioned to stand strong like a rock. No matter what may come, they aren’t allowed to cry.
We all have heard this countless times and see it repeating in our lives over and over again. I have a very different story to tell. Something that holds immense importance to me and something I have experienced first hand on countless occasions.
My husband has very liberal views as far masculinity, chauvinism, feminism, gender stereotypes and the like goes. Mind you these views stand hold till we are discussing them. Not in practice. But there is one rare trait that literally blew me the day I encountered it the very first time. The ability to cry anywhere, in front of anyone and any number of times.
I wouldn’t find it unusual or disturbing had it been a part of expressing true emotions. But we are dealing with crocodile tears syndrome (not in medical terms). It is a syndrome where the affected person has the power to shed tears anywhere and anytime to seek results of their liking or interest. It is commonly associated with women in Indian society but on this occasion the sufferer is my husband.
He doesn’t shy from crying in front of his boss to earn a soft corner, neither from shedding a tear or two to seek financial favors from my family. The most recent and shocking event had been when he cried in front of my lawyer. The tears were real and those tear filled red eyes literally made my lawyer go hostile (worrying that probably my in-laws and my poor husband were the victims in my marriage). My lawyer was so moved and genuinely touched by my husband’s Oscar worthy performance that he has been pushing me to reconsider my relation with my husband and giving my marriage a second chance for the sake of my daughter and a loving (despite knowing the facts I have written about in my earlier posts) husband.
I find it annoying and frustrating not because I have been conditioned to never see a man cry. In fact I have seen men in my family convey emotions normally. My father, my grand-father, even my brother have been seen crying on various occasions. But what my husband does is something unique and an absolute abuse of our sentiments for his selfish interests.
I am 100% confident that he will be at his emotional best during the trials of our divorce case. Even though it is a very disturbing fact seeing the way my lawyer had reacted, but I seek solace in the fact that law and justice gives no weightage to display of emotions. All that matters are the facts and evidences.
The song on my mind: