I am a die-hard romantic. If given a choice to pick a genre of books or even movies for that matter, romance would always top my choice besides humor. After the sequence of events in the past one year, I was mentally prepared to accept my passion for romance and my undying faith in love to die-down. My personal findings have been quite different.
Having said about my faith in love, I never eyed Valentine’s day in particular to hold any significance until some years back. What actually prompted me to even remember the existence of this day wasn’t the event of my falling in love. Instead, I actually got married on the Valentine’s day, for my husband thought, what better day in February than this to mark the beginning of a life-long romance.
The fact that has amazed me to no limits is, I actually have no hard feelings or no hurt pent-up in my system after the betrayal I suffered in my marriage. I do not deny the pain and suffering all this has brought my way. But, on thorough analysis, I still haven’t stopped believing in love and neither have I gone bitter about the institution of marriage. At the onset, I had feared turning into a fanatic who’ll curse anyone who would even mention a love song or tears welling up in my eyes as the month of February will dawn when the whole world tries to transform itself to a shade of red or pink.
Nothing of that sorts actually happened. In fact, I have been pretty much aware of the approach of Valentine’s Day and actually enjoyed shopping for Pari amidst the cute items being sold for the same. The sun still rises with a message of hope for me and I still believe in the magic of love. This has led me to one important conclusion.
“We are and we become what we want to be. No-one can actually transform us magically, until we want that change in us to happen.”~My Era
I wanted to stay as normal I could in the prevalent circumstances for the sake of my daughter. I have faced several tormenting moments battling out the negative thoughts that were a frequent occurring in the past. Self-analysis and talking our fears out is therapeutic. I can feel the healing process taking effect on me. It did take a lot of effort on my part, but the results are pretty promising.
I don’t gift myself any idle moment in the 24 hours I am blessed with. Be it blogging, talking to family and friends, playing and caring for my little daughter, doing house-hold chores or even reading books, I keep myself occupied. Not trying to hide the hurt and pain in the deep closets of my mind and dark dungeons of my heart has definitely helped me healing at a faster pace.
My marriage hasn’t yet been called off. There are still many people who know me and my husband very well (but aren’t aware of our current circumstances) and are going to be wishing us on our marriage anniversary. I am not scared of that day anymore. Neither am I thinking of ways of answering any of those people. I won’t let anything under the sun or the starry skies disturb the peace I have earned with so much labor.
As far love, I still have faith in it; for I have the biggest gift love could give anyone, a beautiful daughter to remind me what this month of February eventually brought in my life.
The Song on my mind: