Signs

Last night after putting Pari to sleep, I was trying to concentrate on the book I have on my side-table lying unread from a long time. My eyes were trying to make sense of the words I was reading, but my mind was busy considering the pros and cons of some distant facts. It was around 11 p.m. and there was no sign of sleep. I decided to let my mind relax in classic melodies FM plays at that hour.

Tuning the radio on my mobile I busied myself skim through a few recipes on the Internet. From melodies to gossip the radio shuffled to play some interesting songs when the topic of discussion shifted to tragedies in Bollywood. The RJ was talking about the life of the celebrated actress Shashi Kala. Sharing her life’s tragedies at a point he mentioned, that her life took a tangential turn when misguided by certain people in her life, she divorced her husband. The RJ continued about how she traveled far and wide in search of peace but she wasn’t successful.

My mind stuck to those lines. The radio continued playing several delightful hits but I was busy considering the rare possibility, what if I too wasn’t seeing the facts leading to my impending divorce in proper light? What if I have been prejudiced and biased in my opinions? It was a momentary thought that lasted not longer than a couple of seconds, but it had the power to make me restless.

I turned off the radio and started analyzing the facts I have assessed at least a zillion times already. Lost in my thoughts, in no time I dosed off only to be woken up at my usual wake up time. Surprisingly, the thought hadn’t left its clutches from my sub-conscious mind despite a peaceful, dreamless sleep of six hours. I was busy winding up the morning chores while Pari was still asleep just when my mobile buzzed.

It was quite early for a phone-call, though the world was already at work by then. It was an unknown number that clearly told me it was an international call. At first I hesitated, I thought of letting the mobile buzz and the call go unattended. I wasn’t sure who the caller was so I decided to take a chance. It was from someone, we (me and my husband) had known for years, but hadn’t been in touch with for a very long time (after we moved to a different city). A call from such a person out of the blue, on my mobile clearly hinted who she could have got the number from.

For once, I decided to let the conversation flow at its own pace. I was determined not to pour in any personal details and not bother giving any clarifications no-matter what was thrown at me. In hardly thirty seconds the caller clarified she’d called to hear my side of the story. I bit my tongue to resist snapping back with anything corny like, ‘ it isn’t a Bollywood drama that you want to hear a juicy story.’ I successfully resisted the temptation and talked in a matter-of- fact tone.

The conversation lasted long, but at the end of it, instead of feeling disgusted, angry or frustrated I was feeling lot happier than I did when I woke up this morning. The reason of my calmer, happier self was something very unrelated to the caller for she is one of those women who can make an hour-long international call only to seek ingredients for her kitty party gossip (yes it happens overseas too). The information she received today should help her talk non-stop for at least a couple of months in a row.

It isn’t about her, but it is about what she told me. She gently wiped the cobwebs of doubt that I had spun last night. She unknowingly told me loud and clear that whatever I had been doubting to be my husband’s intentions were indeed a reality. Her phone-call was meant to convince me to get a few unfinished chores done for my husband. She didn’t mention them directly because of sheer ignorance of what they actually were.

This was one of those rare conversations when my life was being dissected mercilessly in hope of seeking juicy gossip but I was still smiling for the caller was actually being used as a pawn by my shrewd husband.

Life has its ways of signalling, giving us answers to our questions. All we need is to keep our eyes wide open, for many times these subtle hints come from people we least expect.

The song on my mind:

37 thoughts on “Signs

  1. Hugs, ME! Glad that you are feeling better. I guess, we will always be plagued by self doubts and worries -but as far as we get convinced eventually – that is what matters..

    Hugs!!!

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    1. That’s a great idea to come back to the blog Ani, but sometimes I am shaken to the core with self-doubt because I am deciding for two people and not just me.
      Hugs dear 😀

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  2. ah! life has its way of telling us things, provided we live life with an open mind! I am glad the cobwebs were cleared. Being totally comfortable with your decision is the key, and whatever makes you comfortable, embrace it with open arms! hugs!

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  3. Yes, I don’t know how but sometimes life does give us tiny signs of what is going to happen next. Last week since Wednesday I was going hyper, didn’t know why, just thought that might be my hormones 😦 I was getting very paranoid about my son and his health and on Saturday discovered that he has chicken pox. Strange but then I was mentally prepared for the fever, itching and crankiness.

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  4. That is the magic of life, the answers are sometimes infront of us but in the moment of doubt we tend to ignore them. The decision that you have taken is a big one and there will be days when you will doubt them but then at the end of day what matters is that you have decided to move out of this relationship after judgung every aspects so it is not a wrong decision.

    And yes God has his own way to solve our probs no? 😀

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  5. Yes, there are always signs. And enough of them when you need them. We just have to believe in them. I have experienced this personally too.. esp. during the rough phases to life MyEra. Glad theyare coming your way. 🙂

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  6. hmmm sad people , got nothing better to do then interferee in other people’s life. you did good keeping your calm ..

    and yeah let her have her gossip..

    lovely song

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  7. Sometimes, curses are blessings in disguise. Initially, you knew the woman had called to get fodder from you for some gossip but later you realized that conversation was ultimately good for you. Hope you got the drift 🙂 😉

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  8. I hate when people try to call just to get some gossips, especially after knowing that the person has gone through so many difficult phase in life… I mean, I think only heartless people do that!

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    1. Trust me I dislike such people too and the lady in question is one of the rare species of her kind (I’ll do a post on those rare traits soon)
      Offcourse you got to be heartless to say and behave the way she did!

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  9. “Life has its ways of signalling, giving us answers to our questions. All we need is to keep our eyes wide open, for many times these subtle hints come from people we least expect.” I agree…

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  10. For totally different reasons, this post struck such a loud chord! You just cleared my mind about something.

    Thanks in truck loads!!

    Take care. From the very little i understand, I’m glad for your decision. Nothing is worth it if you have to keep aside your self respect and principles.

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  11. Sparrow

    Hi Era,
    I have been lurking around since a long time and finally thought of writing you. Do what your conscience says. The little cobwebs of doubt that you face regarding this big decision in life is unavoidable. But don’t you worry. Things will be definitely alright. My mother walked out of an abusive and an extremely troublesome marriage 25 years back with absolutely no support from anyone. I am a confident young woman and I totally appreciate and support my mom for that one decision which changed our lives for better. The society may not always be supportive. You may not always walk on a bed of roses. I am talking from my experience. But it doesn’t really matter for I see that you have tons of courage to face it all.
    Your darling Pari will grow up to be proud of you.

    Take care

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    1. Dear Sparrow,
      Thank you for de-lurking and sharing your personal experiences. I read your comment around bed-time and I have no words to express how lighter I am feeling after reading what you have to say.

      Tonight I am going to sleep well after what feels like a lot of time.

      Hugs, many thanks and best wishes to you 😀

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  12. Hugs, ME.

    I can understand the self-doubting, totally. It is but natural, as you have to decide for both yourself and your daughter. I am glad you are clear now.

    In your heart of hearts, YOU know best which path is for you. I am sure you will choose the right path, whatever it is. 🙂

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