Ever since I started my journey of breaking the shackles of the marriage I am a part of, I have come across many shocking revelations about the society we live in.
Those who have tread the path I am on, would know what I mean. For those who are learning the bitter ways of our society through experiences like mine, need to understand the thought process that goes on in the minds of people like me. I am a slow learner, but one who is slow because she puts in lot of thought in everything she does.
One common question I have been asked on many occasions by people who have been part of my life and also by those I have met in my journey in the past few months is, was I regularly beaten? It is not just a matter of being asked a question on physical abuse, but the disturbing fact of basing the relevance of seeking divorce on the presence of violence in the marriage.
The sad part of the story being, it is the question asked by 99.5% of the people who learn about the changed circumstances of my marriage. Unfortunately, domestic violence is the bitter reality of many marriages and even relationships for that matter. But, seeking separation can be because of a variety of reasons same as the abuse too can be in more forms than just physical form.
When I deny being beaten, I am labelled as over-reacting in my current circumstances. For the reason, that I am opting out of a marriage with a baby and am ruining my daughter’s future for the sake of my egoistic, self-centered, liberal views. These remarks sound insensitive and illogical when read in a post like this, but in real life well-educated people say them without any regret.
From my personal experiences I have come to believe, that nothing in the world is worth risking (let alone losing) one’s peace of mind, happiness and self-respect for. Under social pressures we might choose to stay quiet and suffer submissively, but the reality stands that our peace of mind is in our hands. In our heart of hearts we all understand what we need to do but the social set up and people in our lives weaken us by remarks and advises that neither mean nor make any difference in their lives.
I believe we have just one life. This one. It is up to us how and what we wish to accomplish in it. It might not be something big on the scale of prosperity, success or monetary gains but having lived a life with self-respect intact is itself an achievement. If we choose a life of freedom, sanity and peace it is our choice. No-matter who or what the people say, we need to stand by our belief. We need to be the change we wish to see in our lives.
The road isn’t ever easy. Neither was it in the abusive relationship nor will it be outside it. The contentment of at least having tried to change our situation and not accepting everything helplessly in the name of trying to adjust will go a long way. Not trying to break free and letting our spirit break is equivalent to suicide. The sin of killing our conscience, our true self just to please others. The others who are either unaware of our sufferings or aren’t bothered what happens to us.
I see emotional, verbal and physical abuse as crimes of equal intensity when involved in a relationship like marriage. Though emotional blackmailing or verbal abuse do not leave visible scars, but the wounds any form of abuse leaves pierce our souls far deeper than skin deep wounds.
This is not love. It is a crime. You can’t look the other way just because you have not experienced domestic violence with your own flesh.~ Salma Hayek
The song on my mind: Ek pyar ka nagma hai ~Shor