Exhausted

The past few days have been emotionally draining. I am not sure what sparked it, but every now and then memories of the extensive travelling I used to do with my husband have been haunting me. Initially I thought maybe they will end in a day but unfortunately it has been tinting my dreams on and off. For a person who sleeps a few hours everyday, such emotionally disturbing dreams prove quite exhaustive.

Our domestic help has been on leave from the past six days cause of her husband’s illness. It’s going to be a while before she’ll be back so I am on my toes whole day long. Before Pari wakes up to do house-hold chores and when Pari is awake attending to her demands and mischief. I like staying busy, for then I am not left with any energy to think and fall to sleep the minute I hit the bed. This luxury has been escaping me despite my extreme exhausted state.Β I stay awake staring blankly at the ceiling fan as if counting its rotations per minute to solve math problems.

I do not believe in fighting memories or dreams for the simple reason that I can’t do so. The news of the cleared bill on easier divorce and changes in distribution of marital property at the time of divorceΒ only added to my disturbed state for any such news makes me think of my circumstances and the impact on the same by the new rules.

The bill will definitely affect people in my shoes who are stuck in marriages with no future. I must admit I have been delighted ever since I heard and read about it. The key point to note though is the bill is only a guide and the final judgement lies totally in the hands of the judge. Though I wish to write lot more on the issue but my current circumstances force me to restrict my openness as far my case is involved.

On a different note, to refresh my exhausted senses I baked an orange cake this evening. The highlight being that before the idea of actually taking a picture of the bake struck me the cake was reduced to a few crumbs. Pari’s love for the fresh oranges has been inspiring me to do more and more experiments with them.

I hope writing it all down will relax my tired mind and I’ll be off to sound sleep within minutes of hitting the publish button.

The song on my mind: Ae dil e nadaan ~ Razia Sultan

25 thoughts on “Exhausted

  1. Hugs dear, I know how it feels when you are exhausted and really want to sleep but can’t do so, bcoz of some unwanted thoughts. How I wish there could have been a ‘ON’ OFF button available for our mind πŸ˜€

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  2. Smita

    Maid gone for a week? Good Luck my dear!!!!
    My MIL says meditation helps in difficult times, it makes you feel lighter & relaxes you. Have you tried it??? May be it will help you!!

    Take care my dear!

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  3. I hope you are able to leave your worries and anxieties behind and find happiness and respite in the coming days soon enough, ME! Take care! Hugs to the sweet little!

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  4. Dear My Era,

    This is my first time here.

    I did read a few posts by you because I didn’t want to say “this too shall pass” without knowing you a bit.
    I really salute you. Not just because you stood by yourself, your ideals and faith (you know that best and no matter what I say, it will be only a consolation) but because you are finding little joys in life and sharing your life with your lovely daughter (whom I’d love to see someday, really πŸ™‚ ).
    I urge you to carry on regardless. Our faith will be with you.

    Things will only get better by God’s Grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Welcome to my blog kismetoffeebar…I like your name πŸ˜€
      Thank you for taking time to know me and my position by reading my blog…it means a lot πŸ™‚
      Hope to hear more from you.
      Thank you for the wonderful wishes…much needed!

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  5. sahana35

    Read some of your posts, my heart aches for you. You are a brave girl. I admire your clarity. Peace will come your way soon. Keep up the strength and courage. Lots of hugs to you and pari.

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  6. Hugs!!
    If they are memories of happier days, don’t let them ‘haunt’ you; let them visit you. You’ll then see more clearly why your decision today makes sense. Memories, good or bad, are very important. They help us take decision we’d never otherwise take πŸ™‚

    Hugs!!

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  7. You are a very strong person Era and I am sure the strength of mind that you have will help you get over this.

    Sending a lot of positive vibes your way. Hugs!

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  8. You are an inspiration, ME. You do so much while facing challenges which most of us cannot even begin to imagine..
    Here’s hoping that all this soon becomes past, and you and Pari get all the happiness you truly deserve.

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  9. I have read quite a few of your posts. I feel really really bad that someone is in so much emotional trauma without any fault of theirs. You know what, some one who did not care for you and your daughter is not worth so much heartache!! I know it may sound weird, but your mental and physical well being is the most important thing in this world! Divorce is definitely not a nice thing, but it definitely not is the end of the world. You are definitely not alone, you have a wonderful daughter, and i am sure in few years time she will be your best friend, and pardon me, but i would like to take the liberty to say, that may be you find the right companion also somewhere down the line. Please do not stress yourself so much. Tension and stress can be very bad for your overall health, and moreover, you suffered while being with him, now that things are sorting out for better, pls try to focus on the positives….
    Everytime i read your posts i feel like hugging you and wishing that may everything falls in place for you and you become a happy, content person as soon as possible…
    All my best wishes….please take care…

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    1. Thank you Forgottogrowup πŸ™‚
      I am trying my level best to get back to a normal self and a normal life as soon as I possibly can.
      Hope to hear more from you πŸ˜€

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