The past few days have been emotionally draining. I am not sure what sparked it, but every now and then memories of the extensive travelling I used to do with my husband have been haunting me. Initially I thought maybe they will end in a day but unfortunately it has been tinting my dreams on and off. For a person who sleeps a few hours everyday, such emotionally disturbing dreams prove quite exhaustive.
Our domestic help has been on leave from the past six days cause of her husband’s illness. It’s going to be a while before she’ll be back so I am on my toes whole day long. Before Pari wakes up to do house-hold chores and when Pari is awake attending to her demands and mischief. I like staying busy, for then I am not left with any energy to think and fall to sleep the minute I hit the bed. This luxury has been escaping me despite my extreme exhausted state. I stay awake staring blankly at the ceiling fan as if counting its rotations per minute to solve math problems.
I do not believe in fighting memories or dreams for the simple reason that I can’t do so. The news of the cleared bill on easier divorce and changes in distribution of marital property at the time of divorce only added to my disturbed state for any such news makes me think of my circumstances and the impact on the same by the new rules.
The bill will definitely affect people in my shoes who are stuck in marriages with no future. I must admit I have been delighted ever since I heard and read about it. The key point to note though is the bill is only a guide and the final judgement lies totally in the hands of the judge. Though I wish to write lot more on the issue but my current circumstances force me to restrict my openness as far my case is involved.
On a different note, to refresh my exhausted senses I baked an orange cake this evening. The highlight being that before the idea of actually taking a picture of the bake struck me the cake was reduced to a few crumbs. Pari’s love for the fresh oranges has been inspiring me to do more and more experiments with them.
I hope writing it all down will relax my tired mind and I’ll be off to sound sleep within minutes of hitting the publish button.
The song on my mind: Ae dil e nadaan ~ Razia Sultan