Leaving home

Comments on my recent post, Beaten resurfaced a thought that’s been lingering in my mind for a while.

In Indian society, social conditioning etches its beliefs and codes of conduct in our systems right from the day we are born. It is highly unlikely to escape this conditioning from touching our lives in one form or the other (if not completely enveloping our individuality). More so if you are a girl.

Though boys in our society can’t be called as untouched by this conditioning process for had this been the case, our society would have seen an increasing number of incidences where men stood by the females in times of societal pressure breaking them (females) down. Unfortunately that is not the case.

The point I wish to make is, when we raise (or call it mould) our daughters with values that the sole aim of their lives is to become good daughters-in-law and a good wife and the only dream parents have is to see their daughters married in good families, how can we even doubt their intentions in trying to jump out of marriage without solid grounds?

In the past week, we all read about the bill that shall help women seek divorce easily (than before). The ongoing debate has been, this will empower women to the point that they will try to opt for divorce for every small issue or misunderstanding in marriage.

What I have been wondering reading these hypothetical arguments with the knowledge of the true face of traditional Indian beliefs is, why would someone in their right mind want to leave a home or a relationship that makes her happy, content and is an important part of her life?

How can we forget that a girl leaves her parents who’d made her all she stands to be, her home where she grew up; to be a part of the family and the man whom she agreed to live with after getting married. In no way, will a girl ever think of stepping out of such a strong bond unless there was something seriously wrong.

The day we all will try to put ourselves in her shoes and see how big and difficult a decision it is for her we’ll begin to realize why she needs to be given a chance to explain her side of the story. The day we will acknowledge the stigma the society (which is made up of people like us) makes a woman daring to step out of the wedlock suffer, we will understand no person by choice wants to be shamed and called names unless it has grave consequences. We need to think rationally before jumping on to judging people who step out of their marriages.

It is as simple as, who would in their right mind want to jump in the cage of a hungry lion? No one

Same way, no one gets out of a marriage because of something frivolous.

Same way, no one will leave a loving family and a caring husband only for the sake of seeking pleasure or in the name of being liberated. We all are social beings, who believe in family life and the importance it holds in the life of every individual. We all love being a part of a supportive family, but, when that dream of being loved, cared and supported changes to a real life nightmare of abuse, pain, oppression and hatred does one think of leaving their home.

The song on my mind: Ye tera ghar ye mera ghar ~ Sath Sath

23 thoughts on “Leaving home

  1. Okie first things first…hope Pari is doing well..have missed her updates I guess 😦

    Err…second thing …how on earth do you get the RIGHT song for every post *jealous*

    and lastly stands up and claps loudly..loved what you wrote 🙂

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  2. Agree ME. While it is a huge deal to step out of marriage, I think our society has to loosen up to not make it a big deal anymore. Why should the girl leave her parents and go live with boys parents? And why this social stigma ? A healthy society must have a divorce rate. Because it is really not possible for ALL marriages to work out. And a healthy divorce rate means that people are making a choice to be happy than to live unhappily with their partners

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  3. True, why would someone walk out of a happy and contended married life. In the Indian society the girl is expected to adjust, putting up with all the injustice and abuse. It is considered her duty to save the marriage. These people cannot digest that women in unhappy marriages will now find it easier to seek divorce. Hence the are making a huge hue and cry out of it.

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    1. Indian women try everything in their power to save their marriages, to the extent that many (or say, most) continue to suffer without deciding to call it quits, still they are the ones for all that happens to them and their marriages.

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  4. ‘The day we all will try to put ourselves in her shoes and see how big and difficult a decision it is for her we’ll begin to realize why she needs to be given a chance to explain her side of the story.’ -Absolutely!I have met people who claim that such bills will make it easier for women, who apparently are just waiting to divorce their husband, to go ahead and do so.. It makes me wonder which planet they live on? In Indian society most women with a problem marriage will still think, rethink a million times before taking that step towards separation. I wish I could get them to read your posts – they would really get a perspective in reality..

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    1. biwo

      Probably because they know only too well that were it not for the stigma and economic dependence, many Indian women would leave their marriages in a second.

      Such people know that Indian marriages are fundamentally unequal, and their stability is rooted in the wife’s helplessness.

      The minute these societal barriers are lifted, the trickle will turn into a flood, they know this.

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      1. @ biwo:
        I agree that it is this inequality that is the root cause of helpless women in our society. The economic dependence is slowly losing it’s grip leaving the only major issue to be dealt the social stigma….that shall go only when the mindset of the people will change, that might take a while though 😦
        Welcome to my blog Biwo

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  5. Whenever anything goes wrong in a marriage, it is because of the girl…it is her mistake, she didn’t adjust, she didn’t obey her in-laws and husband…WHY???? If a husband drinks more or goes out with friends/girlfriends, it is because of the wife. she lacks the skill to woo her husband, that’s why he goes out.

    When a husband listens to his wife, then is hen-pecked…and the wife is dominating…HUH..!!

    Enough of all this crap re…I get totally bugged when i get to listen such things.

    take care dear..!!! Hugs to Pari:)
    Gayu

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  6. ME… You hit on the nail… Loved this post… echoes with my thoughts… though things are changing slowly, there is a long way to go. Most ppl draw conclusions based on 1 -2 things they know abt a person or their life. And their words spread like forest fire – I hate gossipping. No one has the right to think or comment on someone else’s life as long as they are not in the other person’s shoes. These comments and gossips reach highest end – when they feel that there is something wrong in the relationship – I feel its totally wrong.. 😦

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  7. archierocks

    I wonder why too. Who in the right mind will not wish for good things in life? I really hope many understand this. IMO, even many assume men are the reason way too much nowdays. It is never right to assume on others relationships.

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  8. Pingback: When is it the right time to leave? « The Era I lived in

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