I love star-gazing. When I was a little girl, I used to spend hours imagining various shapes in the star groups just as I enjoyed doing the same in cloud formations. During summer vacations we used to sleep on our terrace and that was when I used to marvel at the various colors of the stars and their interesting formations.
My all time favorite is the Great Bear, the constellation of seven bright stars that appear to be arranged in the shape of a frying pan. Noting their changing position and that of the other stars in relation to them and the pole star have always been quite fascinating to me. As a child I wanted to buy a telescope to get a clearer look at those stars, but as time moved on I got too busy with life to stop and gaze at the stars the same way as I used to as a child.
Another time when I had enough time to gaze at the stars was when I was overseas. The altogether different geographic location introduced me to unseen skies and constellations, but my favorite Great Bear was still with me. The formations I used to observe regularly are still so fresh in my mind, though I have left that piece of sky forever. I don’t know why but I miss them every time I look up to evening skies and then the train of memories, both good and not so good associated with them cloud my mind.
Last year, during my pregnancy, I was allowed to take a brief stroll in fresh air for ten minutes maximum once in a while to give my body a break from the never-ending bed-rest. Those were the times, I remember gazing at the stars wondering what would be the formations over my home (overseas), would my husband be awake and gazing at them missing me?
I know I could have easily grabbed a phone to check on what my husband would be doing at those times, but, in some strange romantic way (like it is portrayed in movies and romantic novels) I used to love leaving it all to my imagination.
Breaking my beautiful train of thoughts with a jive of reality never clicked to me.
The skies changed colors and seasons brought along many different celestial formations. I did see them on a number of occasions. But, I was too busy to note them in detail till last week. I was strolling in our garden with Pari around the full moon nights. The moon was about to rise and I wanted to show Pari how did ‘Chanda Mama’ look in real life. Just when I spotted a few star formations that took me to the similar time (last year) when I used to look at them wondering about my husband and my home.
Something pinched deep inside my heart. The home I had built with so much love doesn’t exist anymore, or more correctly isn’t mine any longer. The man I used to think of while gazing at these heavenly beauties still lurks my mind but all I feel is pain and hurt, the love seems to have sublimated.
They say, star formations define our destiny, I have actually started believing in their power. Not so much in deciding our fate but surely being there through all the good and bad of our lives. Shining bright to show us they are there for us, by our side no matter what may come.
The song on my mind: Gawah hain chand tare ~ Damini