Under the stars

I love star-gazing. When I was a little girl, I used to spend hours imagining various shapes in the star groups just as I enjoyed doing the same in cloud formations. During summer vacations we used to sleep on our terrace and that was when I used to marvel at the various colors of the stars and their interesting formations.

My all time favorite is the Great Bear, the constellation of seven bright stars that appear to be arranged in the shape of a frying pan. Noting their changing position and that of the other stars in relation to them and the pole star have always been quite fascinating to me. As a child I wanted to buy a telescope to get a clearer look at those stars, but as time moved on I got too busy with life to stop and gaze at the stars the same way as I used to as a child.

Another time when I had enough time to gaze at the stars was when I was overseas. The altogether different geographic location introduced me to unseen skies and constellations, but my favorite Great Bear was still with me. The formations I used to observe regularly are still so fresh in my mind, though I have left that piece of sky forever. I don’t know why but I miss them every time I look up to evening skies and then the train of memories, both good and not so good associated with them cloud my mind.

Last year, during my pregnancy, I was allowed to take a brief stroll in fresh air for ten minutes maximum once in a while to give my body a break from the never-ending bed-rest. Those were the times, I remember gazing at the stars wondering what would be the formations over my home (overseas), would my husband be awake and gazing at them missing me?

I know I could have easily grabbed a phone to check on what my husband would be doing at those times, but, in some strange romantic way (like it is portrayed in movies and romantic novels) I used to love leaving it all to my imagination.

Breaking my beautiful train of thoughts with a jive of reality never clicked to me.

The skies changed colors and seasons brought along many different celestial formations. I did see them on a number of occasions. But, I was too busy to note them in detail till last week. I was strolling in our garden with Pari around the full moon nights. The moon was about to rise and I wanted to show Pari how did ‘Chanda Mama’ look in real life. Just when I spotted a few star formations that took me to the similar time (last year) when I used to look at them wondering about my husband and my home.

Something pinched deep inside my heart. The home I had built with so much love doesn’t exist anymore, or more correctly isn’t mine any longer. The man I used to think of while gazing at these heavenly beauties still lurks my mind but  all I feel is pain and hurt, the love seems to have sublimated.

They say, star formations define our destiny, I have actually started believing in their power. Not so much in deciding our fate but surely being there through all the good and bad of our lives. Shining bright to show us they are there for us, by our side no matter what may come.

The song on my mind: Gawah hain chand tare ~ Damini

41 thoughts on “Under the stars

  1. You knoiw what I like about you – despite everything that you have gone through, you are so so very positive. Hugs! I am sure the stars have better things in store for you.

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  2. I love The Great Bear too… as kids I and my sister used to look out for it everyday… The mention of this pole star took me back to those wonderful carefree childhood days.. sigh… how I miss them now…

    towards the end of the post, i felt a pinch in my heart too… especially by the words – “or more correctly isn’t mine any longer”.. hugs dear! I can understand how it feels deep inside.. hugs and more hugs…

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  3. Same pinch. Star gazing has been my favorite too. And yes it started while sleeping out during summer. Ah those days of childhood!!
    Here with so much of lights, stars are rarely to be seen or maybe I should go and stay i the desert. 🙂

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    1. I am glad in my part of the world the skies are still quite clear for the stars to shine clear and bright…it’s just I have lost the patience to spend hours gazing them like before 😦

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  4. I love making cloud formations in the sky till date. For me, the whole set of clouds would be telling a story with different shapes. Weird, I know 🙂

    Can totally relate to this post as well as your feelings…loads of love to you ME 🙂

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  5. I used to love star gazing as a child too. In fact, I was so fascinated by them that I dreamt of being a space scientist or an astronaut someday 🙂 Sadly, we don’t see many stars in cities these days with so much pollution 😦
    Yes, but they are still there shining brightly watching over us through all the good and bad times.

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  6. I hope that someday when you look at the stars/sky…you will sigh happily…

    Because a lot of water has flown under the bridge. And because the stars will remind you of Pari instead…

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  7. I used to do a lot of star gazing as a child, even go to camps and workshops that organize educational star gazing. The universe is a beautiful thing and the vastness one feels when one looks up at the sky makes us realise how small we are in comparison. That feeling always fascinates me. And, similarly, I do hope you will look up at the stars one day and remember just the happy things. hugs.

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    1. I am glad LF you noticed growth in me…it sure is a positive sign that I am healing though at a slow pace.
      Thank you dear for the wonderful wishes and for being there in my journey 🙂

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  8. I love watching the night sky too. We also used to sleep in terrace when we were kids, but in the morning when I wake up I would be in my room coz after midnight it would get cold and my parents would have brought me down.
    Me ME ME… I seriously wish you all good things in life!!!! Hugs hugs and truck loads of hugs!!!

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  9. garima

    Hugs dear,your post reveales so much of pain hidden in your heart…most of the time I become speechless,not knowing what to write and how to cheer you up…Hugs once again ,wish you and Pari a great future!

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  10. I used to look at the stars when I was younger, but I never had the patience to mark any constellations among them. I used to spot the pole star with great difficulty! I was always amazed at the fact that the light from the stars take several years to reach the earth and hence the stars that we see now are actually, how they were before some years. Even if the stars are suddenly gone, we would still be able to see them for the next few years! Isn’t that amazing?

    Destination Infinity

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    1. It sure is amazing and in fact I used to read up a lot of encyclopedias as a kid to know more and more constellations…they never failed to amaze me and do so even now 🙂

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  11. Vaish

    The stars are always by your side..they will make yours and pari’s life brighter always! Hugs to the two beautiful people there..

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  12. I love star gazing too! Stars are so companion-like in so many ways, even though they are millions of miles away. In a romantic fool sort of way, I like speaking to the moon and telling him that the Delhi dust has hidden the stars away in a closet.
    ME, I also love the way you keep up your spirits despite the tumult life is. Keep the positivity intact and I am sure things will fall in place. 🙂

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  13. Pingback: What Am I Grateful For Today? – The Era I lived in

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