I have been told so, on many occasions. By my colleagues, my bosses, my classmates and even my professors. While my superiors always found me the most sincere of the lot, someone who never lost focus of her aim in life, my colleagues and friends on their first impression always find me ‘serious’.
“Are you serious?” used to be my prompt reply each time someone told me they had never imagined I could be a fun-loving soul with a good sense of humor when they had met me the first time. I have been told so and I have actually retorted the exact same way on so many occasions that I have somehow skilled the act of acting surprised each time it is repeated in my life.
Some of my best buddies actually went ahead to tell me, that I actually scared (intimidated) them in our first meeting by how sincere, focused and studious I looked and behaved. Though I have been lucky that I never needed to explain, for within a matter of days following the time someone made up an impression about me, they’ll be forced to cross it and begin calling me ‘someone like themselves’.
I have thought about it on many occasions, talked about it to many close friends, but somehow why this happens over and over again is something I absolutely fail to understand. Not just in my native place, but at many different places around the world, people have remarked along the same lines.
When an understanding fails me, I try to attribute it to the malleability of my character to help me mold myself according to my surroundings. But the most surprising part is, people of clearly different personalities, cultures and beliefs so often call me ‘someone who is just like them’. This is something I am yet to find an answer to.
As far intimidating, it’s my silence (or habit of talking less to strangers) that probably gives my persona an eerie feel.
Mingling easily is a positive trait, but then I am hopeless at small-talk and beyond a couple of sentences, I am usually blank at how to keep the conversation going. I am strictly against gossiping and watching TV and films isn’t my cup of tea. Then how on earth could people mistake me to be someone like them? That too so many different people.
I am writing this post as a record, to come back to several years down the line to check whether I continue to be the same over time and if someday, I find out the trick that magically spins this illusion about me in the minds of everyone I come across.
The song on my mind: Dil ki Girah khol do ~ Raat aur Din
18 thoughts on “Remarked”
I guess it has got to do with the way ppl interpret silence – Those who like/want to like you interpret silence in ways that make you seem very similar to themselves. The game-play between silence & perspective is interesting.
I’v found there are levels to this. Next to nil interaction with me = Me intimidating. Plain hi-bye/professional interaction = Me nice & sincere. A little closer = “just like me”.. Only when my mouth really opens up putting across opinions (strongly) does it get to “we have quite a few differences.. hmmm”. But most ppl’s instinct is to take it towards “just like me” & that makes them blind to the glaring differences.
Human psychology is funny that way.. and giving in to it, let me say – reading ‘intimidating at first sight’, ‘hopeless at small talk’, ‘strictly against gossiping’, ‘no TV & films’ makes me go “someone just like me” 😉
Loved your analysis, it actually makes a lot of sense 😀 😀
People tell the same about me too.. they find me serious, focused and silent for the first time… but soon after, I will be one among them… But I can also do nothing but small talk sometimes.. (except for my best friends).. do let me know if you crack the logic 😉
let’s get on cracking the code together 😉 😆
what’s wrong in being serious? welcome to the club because even I can’t make small talk…
Good thing is you are able to adjust to things and people around you but don’t let it be too much.. 🙂
Yay! I’ve got company 😀
It sure is a good thing to be able to mingle quickly, but I have been plain curious about what been the gelling glue that has bonded me to the people over the years 😀
Oh, my friends tell me later that they used to be scared of talking to me when they didnt know me that much! I have been told that I generally do not try to be ‘politically correct’ and speak what I think, making me sound too frank (if there is anything like that!). I am hopeless at sugar coating things, somehow. And it is not something I am trying to change! 🙂
It takes a lot of courage to be able to call a spade a spade…three cheers to you MPB for being who you are 🙂
I am proud to have come across people like you 😀
I guess its human tendency to try to find a common trait with the opposite person before embarking on a non stop banter. Perhaps it gives them a cushion to lean on and initiate conversation.
BTW loved your take – the honesty is truly infectious 🙂
I agree to your point, for I too do the same knowingly and sometimes even unknowingly 😀
Just be yourself!! Why care.. what people say. Log hain…bas kuch na kuch kehte rahenge 🙂
Cheers and Hugggs!!
I think being just the way you are is the best way you can be! 🙂 Cheers!
I agree, but sometimes what people say about you makes one wonder what makes them think so? This is just one of those things 😀
I can so very much relate to this post, ME. I have been considered a ‘serious and silent’ girl all my life. I have heard that I have intimidated some people, without even opening my mouth!! But then, when people have gotten to know me closely, they have realised that I am ‘just like them’ in some respects. In many different places, many different people – I guess people everywhere are basically the same and want the same things. 🙂
I like the thought that we are all basically the same, though I wish it was the case 🙂
Hugs and same pinch TGND
same here!! people keep telling me and more so when they come to know of my profession (an engineering professor) in fact even a blogger has told me numerous times that she feels intimidated by me!
😆 I can totally understand where you are coming from 🙂
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