I have had a clear view of where my life was heading ever since I filed for divorce. The court hearings and preparations for the same made things get clearer with each passing day. In the last few days I faced the worst and was quite sure that things couldn’t get any worse.
What I am experiencing now is nowhere close to what I had imagined. I want to feel happy, relaxed, peaceful, content, grinning at my victory, proud of my farsightedness and many other positive notes. But reality is far from these.
I am feeling as if someone has punched me hard in my belly, creating a void that seems to have sucked out all vision, peace and reasoning out of me. I am feeling weak, dizzy, hurt, burnt and irritated despite the fact that this moment was long anticipated.
Slowly and gradually as the reality of being divorced is sinking into me, I am feeling a sense of strange loneliness grip me strongly. If I were to think logically, I have many people in my life and the one who has been legally detached from me hasn’t been around from a long time, but such are the games mind plays.
Though legally it is the end of all hurt, anguish and pain but, there are still countless things to be set in order. There is still a long way before the court’s decision can be put into action due to involvement of institutions and people in two different countries that are continents apart.
But still the major battle is won and the rest is just a matter of time.
When I try to look at it with a clear head, the stark reality is, that the end of my marriage has now been written in black and white, though it had already ended long back. Just an official declaration of a fact known to me from a long time.
The song on my mind:Zindagi ki yehi reet hai ~ Mr. India