My darling Pari,
These days the one word I find myself saying non-stop is NO. Even though my saying a no never bothers you, but still, I try my best to tell you that you need to stop your mischief right when I say so. I try modulating my tone to the nature of your actions. From “noooooooooo” to a crisp NO. The outcome being you too have learnt the art by nodding in all directions to convey the same instruction to me proving Newton’s third law.
I am aware that you know what a no actually means, but you take the benefit of your über cuteness and age each time you disobey me. Granted. But, this is soon going to change sweetheart, for you’ve got a Hitler mom. I hope you are sufficiently scared and focused by now to read what follows with full attention.
While you are too young to comprehend why I keep stopping you from playing with electrical appliances, fingering the power sockets and putting in mouth everything you can get hold of (including soap, shoes, mop, bugs of all kinds, etc.), I promise you the privilege of using a NO once you grow up.
Even now, whenever you move your head from side to side or stop me with your hands while I am feeding you or even putting back your toys in place I try my best to abide by your instructions.
The very same I expect from you when you grow up. Listen to when I request you to stop. Though you shall always have the right to ask me the reason behind it. I shall always answer your queries to the best of my ability.
So that’s a done deal. I say ‘no’ and you obey, you say ‘no’ and I follow.
With that part sorted, let’s come to the most important agenda behind this ‘a no means a no letter’. This is something very important. I myself learnt this important lesson very late in my life to be able to refuse to accept ideas, instructions and opinions forced upon me against my will, against my liking. Sometimes I failed under the pressure of being an obedient child, at other times because I thought people around me had better understanding of whats good for me.
I do not deny the importance of following what our parents teach us and tell us, but after a certain age we need to learn to analyse our priorities, likes and dislikes and then go ahead and have an open talk about it before accepting anything you fail to understand the reason for. I do not intend on hinting that you need to be an autonomous soul who doesn’t bother what her mother or grandparents or friends tell her. Rather, have an open mind about everything. Stay open for suggestions and always ask questions.
But never fail to voice your concerns, fears and dislikes. You are a part of me and never feel scared of telling me anything, worrying that I might scold you or will refuse to hear your take. You might tell me something I never knew or never thought of, so always share your thoughts.
Never ever decline a good idea just because you don’t like the source. If you are angry with someone, don’t let your anger overpower your decisions. Allow yourself time to think, understand and then reach a verdict.
The more questions you’ll ask the clearer everything will get. Assumptions never take us to the right decision but open talk does. When the time comes that you need to follow your heart, stick by your NO. Don’t let anyone ever scare you in my name. I will never refuse to hear your take, your side of the story no-matter what may happen in life. I promise.
Never hesitate in refusing any offer just because you might hurt someone. Nothing scars our lives more than our own unhappiness. I am not asking you to be selfish, but don’t hurt yourself for the happiness of others. Let me share an example, if you are already full and can’t take another bite, go ahead and say it assertively rather than eating an extra plate of food only to please someone, to land up in agony with an upset tummy.
No, holds immense power but it comes with added responsibility. The responsibility to use it cautiously and to stick to your belief and opinion. Make sure your refusal is taken as is and not as a hidden yes. The duty to respect other people’s wishes and accepting their denial as their choice. Whenever you hear your inner voice stopping you, always pay heed to it.
I can feel myself gifting you a Brahmastra. Always remember, like all divine weapons use your refusal wisely and mean it else it shall lose it’s power.
For now, no more listening to Halkat Jawani (movie: Heroine) for I have gone mad watching it in a loop non-stop for 1.25 hours with you and this has been going on all day long, for a full week now.
With lots of love and blessings,
The song on my mind: Na na karte pyar ~ Dhadkan