Rise of peace

This is my first Karwachauth since my divorce. I have to admit that last year too wasn’t especially different for I was already contemplating divorce, but, things weren’t what they are now.

I strongly believe, the fears we harbor are on most occasions self-created. A figment of our imagination created by our over-imaginative, scared-of-the-society mind than what reality holds. This phenomenon holds true at least in my case. Since yesterday, when our domestic help innocently asked me if I’ll be fasting for Karwachauth (she isn’t aware of my altered marital status) I seemed to have lost my peace of mind.

I wasn’t quite sure why I had been so panicked, but I surely was. After lot of thought, when nothing seemed to calm my frayed nerves, I decided to distract myself. I became busy in helping my mum celebrate the festival and enjoying it the same way I used to as a kid.

Running around in preparation of tasty delights, pampering my mum with a pedicure and nail polish session, adorning my own nails in the process and the like; deciding to celebrate it as any other festival rather than grieving over it’s lost significance in my personal life. I have realized that when you can be a part of other people’s joys you can feel the happiness rise from within.

Come to think of it, it makes a lot of sense to me to not shy away from celebrating just because I am no longer a married woman. I feel, both Β Pari and I are little kids running around my mum helping her prepare for the prayers to be offered once the moon rises.

There’s still time before the moon will rise but I can feel peace and happiness fill my heart ever since I have decided to take my life in control and guide the horses of my thoughts to enjoy life rather than sulking over the losses and setbacks I have suffered.

The song on my mind: Chand chupa badal mein ~ Hum dil de chuke sanam

47 thoughts on “Rise of peace

  1. That song is one of my favourites πŸ™‚

    Personally I have never believed in Karva chauth. But I guess for somebody who enjoys it and undergoes the fast willing, it would be different. Hugs to you! I m glad you took the opportunity to see it in a positive light.

    It’s like my grandparents told me. See Valentine’s Day as a day for love. It could be any kind of love…love for the family, love for friends….and the loneliness (if you are single) will disappear. Makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s up to you to make what you want of it.

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    1. So true.
      Thank you for sharing those pearls of wisdom Ash. The reality is it’s not so much about the rites and rituals that I miss but having celebrated it in a certain way for quite sometime and suddenly stop doing so makes me feel out of place, but slowly I am getting used to it. Though my mum encourages me to do whatever I enjoy and not bother whether it is associated with any particular social status or custom.
      That’s why I decided to pamper myself a little and do what I love doing. Cooking. It definitely made me feel brighter than what I would have felt sitting and sulking in a corner.

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  2. chipmunk

    never think of past! be happy the way you are! doesn’t mean you need to feel panic or any of that sort πŸ™‚ you have a cute lil one to have fun and beautiful future lying ahead! life is in the way we take things, whatever age we are in, every one has a childish phase in their life, even at the age of 80! everything comes and goes for a reason, so enjoy the moment and have a fun filled day ahead πŸ™‚

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  3. //I have realized that when you can be a part of other people’s joys you can feel the happiness rise from within.// I have felt this too, always thought it wasn’t true, didn’t seem to make sense, but realise now that it does.

    I also feel the basic purpose of such festivals is to make women want to get and stay married.

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    1. Well it’s not a feeling of regret but a certain void that comes up when I look back at my life and miss doing things I did for quite a while.
      I have left everything in the hands of time, hoping it’ll heal all wounds πŸ™‚

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  4. Hello Era,
    Thanks a ton dear for that mail….I have replied.
    At my in-laws place we have the Vat-Savitri Vrat(Vat-Purnima), which usually comes in June, and falls nearly during my Birthday. Now isn’t that bad??? My b’day and I can’t eat anything.
    I used to keep the fast, do the puja you know the typical way, tying the thread and all seven times around the Banyan tree.
    I don’t do it anymore, I mean, i need not show my love and respect for my husband, by fasting for him. With so many responsibilities and travelling to office, its quite difficult for me. I explained it to my MIL. She was a bit skeptical about this, but then, I had to take a stand for this.

    I am proud of you Era:)
    Love to Pari dear

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  5. Quite often its the social stigma that clouds our decision and it takes a really STRONG person to rise above that pressure. Applause to you for having overcome the issues and successfully wiping off the blotch that was shrouding your views. One thing I’ve realised is that, when I feel down due to some person’s bad attitude, its no one else but me and my kids who suffer for it. So, you have won over the demons and saved yourself and little Pari from suffering for an unworthy cause.

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