This is my first Karwachauth since my divorce. I have to admit that last year too wasn’t especially different for I was already contemplating divorce, but, things weren’t what they are now.
I strongly believe, the fears we harbor are on most occasions self-created. A figment of our imagination created by our over-imaginative, scared-of-the-society mind than what reality holds. This phenomenon holds true at least in my case. Since yesterday, when our domestic help innocently asked me if I’ll be fasting for Karwachauth (she isn’t aware of my altered marital status) I seemed to have lost my peace of mind.
I wasn’t quite sure why I had been so panicked, but I surely was. After lot of thought, when nothing seemed to calm my frayed nerves, I decided to distract myself. I became busy in helping my mum celebrate the festival and enjoying it the same way I used to as a kid.
Running around in preparation of tasty delights, pampering my mum with a pedicure and nail polish session, adorning my own nails in the process and the like; deciding to celebrate it as any other festival rather than grieving over it’s lost significance in my personal life. I have realized that when you can be a part of other people’s joys you can feel the happiness rise from within.
Come to think of it, it makes a lot of sense to me to not shy away from celebrating just because I am no longer a married woman. I feel, both Pari and I are little kids running around my mum helping her prepare for the prayers to be offered once the moon rises.
There’s still time before the moon will rise but I can feel peace and happiness fill my heart ever since I have decided to take my life in control and guide the horses of my thoughts to enjoy life rather than sulking over the losses and setbacks I have suffered.
The song on my mind: Chand chupa badal mein ~ Hum dil de chuke sanam