It’s not about you

My darling Pari,

I am sorry for writing to you after a very long break. The good news is, that all this while I have been busy having fun with you. Seeing you grow up, cherishing every moment of your mischief and learning to be a better parent with each lesson.

It’s amazing how nature designed parenthood. We parents, think we are teaching our babies while the reality is we are educating ourselves to be better human beings and smarter parents for our children. I’ll leave these philosophies of parenting to be talked about at a later date and indulge in the topic I started writing this letter on.

If you’ve gathered a feeling that I have been confused about what to write in this letter and that was why I had started talking aimlessly about parenting in general, let me share my little secret with you. I am not confused. In fact I have been mulling over writing this letter for a very long time. Almost a year to be honest, but, never knew how to do it. Today, I started with the determination that I want to write this before I get too busy and forget all about it.

Pari, I want you to always remember this fact that your father’s absence in our lives is not your fault. You are in no way responsible for all that happened in my married life. Please don’t ever let anyone say this to you, that it was in any way cause of you.

Why your father chose the path he did, the priorities he had in no way has any bearing to you or your gender. Love, please don’t ever, even in your wildest dreams or idle thoughts think anything remotely contrary to this belief.

I wish to tell you clearly, that all that your father chose to do was his personal decision. A person always has a choice to decide either of the two paths life offers. Irrespective of why he chose what, what matters is what one chooses. Accountability for our decisions and actions requires a lot of courage, clarity and good-will.

I do not deny the fact that the decisions taken by your father & mother in the first year of your life will have massive impact on your life, but, we need to live the life as it is. What we have control over is our present and our future. Never let the shadows or ghosts of the past dim your excitement for life. It was my past not yours.

I want you to know all about your father, but only as a lesson of your history. It has nothing to do with who you are. Reality stands that genetics govern who we become, but still every person is unique. So are you. God & life wants you to get the best, they wish a good life for you that’s why you stepped in my life as my savior.

We will surely talk about all the things that I have written and also those that I have missed on writing in this blog.

Just remember, it’s not about you. Now and forever, your father is just a name. A noun, best remembered only at the time of filling up forms.

With lots of love & blessings,


The song on my mind: Je le zara ~ Talaash

For other letters to my daughter, visit here

33 thoughts on “It’s not about you

  1. Dear ME,

    I’m commenting after a long long time…have been away from this world…but there are few bloggers who often are in my thoughts and you [and pari] are one of them πŸ™‚

    I’m sure with a mother like you beside her, Pari will never feel low or responsible for anything that happened…life moves on and so will you girls…hugs!


  2. chipmunk

    pari is a gr8 girl πŸ™‚ She got a gene of her mum πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ definitely she will gain all confidence and make you more happy overcoming the fear you have πŸ™‚ she never worries for the mistake committed by others πŸ™‚ happy day ahead πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚


  3. With your kind of upbringing, I dont think Pari will ever have to think or ponder over this topic. But people might raise questions, as is their nature – but dont worry, she will be strong πŸ™‚


    1. The reality is through these letters I am preparing a list of issues I want to talk to Pari about, so it’s more of a preparation for me to be a better equipped parent than about Pari πŸ™‚
      Thank you sweetie


  4. Why’s .. Well I doubt isf all the WHY’s can ever be answered .. no use wasting time on them .. its happened and gone .. lets see what we can do today πŸ™‚

    God bless the little one ..

    merry christmas to Pari and to her mum and everyone around her.. Lots of love and God bless the little one


  5. Pari may have a tough time in the future when she gets to understand about her dad, but with such a strong minded mother with clarity of thoughts, will definitely make her understand that life goes on no matter what and that she would succeed in it! πŸ™‚

    I wish Pari an abundance of blessings and happiness and good luck in life! πŸ™‚


  6. privytrifles

    You know ME, this is something I have always felt. Somewhere deep down I have always held myself responsible for a lot of things that happened around me for no fault of mine…. and today it is that guilt that bogs me down more than anything else.

    This is such a true, heartfelt advice given to Pari but something that even I can relate to a lot…thanks so much for this post<3


    1. I am glad you could see your thoughts in a different light through my letter PT, we are all helping each other through the struggles of life πŸ™‚
      Tight hugs buddy


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