The alarming rise of sexual crimes against women in our country have sparked constant debate and raised questions on many societal beliefs and traditions. In the light of the same, I wish to share my views on premarital sex.
I have been analyzing it from a long time. Long before I became a parent. I have a strong feeling that these thoughts started forming in my teen years, when one fine day while watching movie ‘Julie (1975)‘ my mom abruptly turned off the TV saying ‘it is a non-sense movie because it does no good but glamorize pre-marital sex’ among other remarks.
Needless to say, I was quite agitated by her opinion. Though, I did not dare voice my thoughts then, but I couldn’t help analyse it from a variety of perspectives over the years.
We are all aware how much Indian society looks down upon live-in relationships and premarital sex. The extent can be estimated with parents not hesitating in killing their daughters to save the ‘honour’ of their families or victimizing the rape victims. The most amazing aspect being the moral police believes all the responsibility of keeping the moral fiber of the society together is with the woman. Men aren’t responsible cause they have the clichéd benefit of being naughty (men will be men, remember?)
Before we plunge in the well of doom ~ premarital sex; let’s not forget to touch upon the glory of being a pure, chaste girl – a virgin. How virginity defines the character, life and also the success of girl’s married life is well-known to each one of us.
When virginity is SO valued in our society, how on earth can we even dare to imagine, that pre-marital sex can be accepted by our society. Right?
This is exactly where all problems have their roots.
Why should society have the freedom to decide or dictate a girl’s sexual behavior when it doesn’t bat an eye at what a boy or man does? Another point to consider is, why shouldn’t a girl have the freedom to decide what she does with her body and how? In today’s era where everywhere there is much talk on women empowerment and gender equality, don’t you think it should begin with gifting women the freedom and equality to decide about everything part of their lives?
Wait a minute, it just now struck me, that when sex-education is a ‘hush-hush’ topic in our society how could one even dream of imagining a society that is open to premarital sex?
Quite true actually. The right stream of thoughts on premarital sex can begin when we lift the taboo on sex in every form. Talk freely, discuss openly, educate clearly about sex, STDs, AIDS, unwanted pregnancies and yes, most importantly about contraceptive choices. When we are armed with knowledge, we can be rest assure that a mature adult ( be it a boy or a girl) will make an informed choice about what they are doing with their lives. They will be able to report any form of abuse to their parents without being afraid of being judged.
It is a known truth that the more we call sex ‘dirty’ the more curiosity it arouses. In the lack of proper knowledge the only route left for youth is experimenting, learning from peers or Internet and worst of all falling prey to the people who are ready to take advantage of clueless and confused youngsters.
For a second, if we imagine that premarital sex is accepted by Indian society what impact would it have on our lives?
When our society (still) practices child marriage ( in many parts of the country) and is OK with minor girls becoming mothers, why do we scorn over adults making a choice on what they do with their bodies?
The day sex-education becomes a norm, girls are free to make choices about their bodies and their decisions begin to be respected by men, we will surely see a decline in many crimes against women.
When no one can blackmail you to ‘defame’ you for being a ‘bad girl’ cause of having a boyfriend or having had premarital sex, so many girls will no longer fear exploitation. Many more crimes against women getting reported.
No longer the rape victims or their families will be stigmatized and will report cases to have the criminals punished without worrying about their family’s honor.
Like the vicious circle of doom, hushing up about sex and saying NO to premarital sex is the root of so many evils.
It’s time our society and law re-visited these Stone Age beliefs and formulated laws giving women freedom in real sense. In a sexually repressed society like ours, we all will gain with letting go of the hypocrisy and making room for more information, more openness and definitely by being supportive to our own children.
I believe, the moral police needs to sit & think that when a girl is dictated what she can do and what she can’t, why don’t same rules apply to the boys?
What’s your take on premarital sex?
Do you think sharing our views on premarital sex ( whether a YES or a NO) openly, is important?
The song on my mind: Dil kya kare jab kisi se ~ Julie