I have never been a multitasker. Despite being a woman, I feel no shame in admitting that multi-tasking makes me a loser on all fronts. I have been so focused on walking down a single lane, that when one-dimensional labels became my preference I can’t even recall.
Life went on smooth for a good 22 years with me juggling life’s major decisions and feeling proud in making a socially acceptable choice. The seed of blindly accepting the socially (or by my family) dictated choices kept me steering clear of all controversy, playing the most obedient ‘ideal’ daughter of the Indian society. The bean stalk of social conditioning made me choose a career in a popular field (but one that I never enjoyed despite the success). My arranged marriage had its foundation on the same lines too.
It was then that destiny decided to step in. On one fateful day, I realized that my marriage wasn’t working. I was now a mother. Despite having done everything to please everyone in my life over the years, the world I belonged to, refused to stand by me. It was the eye-opener moment of my life, when my (ex) spouse, my very beloved parents and siblings blamed my misfortune on my destiny. I lived to be told that I should have chosen otherwise in life if at any point I wanted to do something differently than what I had done in my growing up years.
Stubborn, socially conditioned jerks like yours truly, often need such severe blows in life to wake from deep slumber. I did too. That was the day, I resolved to be who I enjoy being. To do what I love. To live as I please. And not give two hoots about who thinks or says anything about me, my family included.
I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t heartbreaking. But, the bitter truth is, the transformation has been liberating. I have slowly come to understand that making room for “ME’ in our life is so vital. Pursuing our passions and letting our hobbies blossom can be a beautiful way to grow and move ahead in life. Not very long ago, I was so invested in making a successful career for myself that I didn’t even realize that many months would pass when I had not tried any new recipe or scribbled a blog post. Vacations sounded like a distant item in the bucket list and I had no time to sit back and analyze my life for every time I tried doing so, I’d doze off to sleep due to fatigue.
Today, after a long struggle with myself, my family and the turbulent times life put me in I am at peace with the idea of trying to make a living right from my desk at home. Though the earnings are meagre, but there is a lot of peace and contentment in all I do. I am no longer giving up myself to achieve a dream. I have learnt to live life the way it is intended to be. In its entirety. I have explored many unknown areas of my life, discovered so many passions I had been postponing for a future that might never have come.
I am no longer just another woman chasing life and my baby. I have added writing and cooking and photography to my life, like never before, stretching wings of my passions to soar to unseen skies. I haven’t accomplished anything noteworthy, but I am in love with the peace of mind I have. I am not rich in monetary terms, but still, I am proud of leading a life I enjoy.
My day still has the same 24 hours but over the years, I have learnt to make the most of my time, in this very life. When it comes to pursuing passions, the more the merrier is my rule. Being driven by the ardor to expand the canvas of life, making room for pictures of me in many roles.
“Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.”
The song on my mind: Ruk jana nahin ~Imtihaan