Make honesty your policy 

My dear Pari, 

This happened when I was a little girl, around 6 years of age.

One fine afternoon while playing around the wide steps that lead to the school amphitheatre, I inadvertently pulled my best friend, Aditi’s hand a little too roughly. With her attention away from me and she least expecting this movement, she tumbled down the steps and hurt her elbows and knees badly with a mild abrasion on her forehead.

For a 6-year-old, this was a major injury. In no time we had the attention of all our friends and staff. The staff was limited because it all happened in the after school hours. Aditi was taken to our school’s infirmary where she was given first aid and her parents were called for. 

During this chaos, I was standing beside her holding her hand, but uttering nothing.

In my mind, the thought looming large was the possible scolding the teachers and Aditi’s parents would give me because of the mishap. 

Those dreadful thoughts were dancing like demons in my little mind and the fear I felt was so overwhelming, that until today, I can visualize the happenings of the day simply by closing my eyes.

After Aditi was given first aid and she stopped crying, the first question our principal and the nurse at the infirmary asked was, how did it all happen?

I was almost trembling with fear, sweating profusely and completely shaken by the fact that I had been careless enough to have hurt my best friend so badly.

Despite my sincere concern for my best friend, I narrated the sequence of events omitting the part that it was my pull that had caused the injuries. 

When my friends were questioned, they were not sure how Aditi had fallen because we were all running in all directions at that time and a lot of our friends were hiding away from where we stood.

At that point, Adit looked at me with a piercing gaze. The look was filled with mixed emotions of pain and anger. I knew, in the next few moments Aditi would utter my name and my game would be up.

Aditi never did that.

She said she couldn’t remember what caused her to tumble every time she was asked so, even by her parents. Her injuries weren’t severe and after a leave of two days, she returned to school with a number of bandages.

Even though it was Aditi who was injured, the pain was felt by my guilty conscience. All day and night during her absence from school, I kept praying for forgiveness and her speedy recovery. But still didn’t have the courage, to be honest, enough to own up my mistake. 

The day Aditi got back to school, I rushed to her, but she clearly ignored me. My attempts at asking her about her well-being met a cold stare but no smile or replies. However, she was warm and chirpy with everyone else. 

I waited for some time to find a private moment with her when I apologized for everything. She kept looking straight at my face but said nothing.

Even at that tender age, Aditi had the maturity of letting me learn the bitter lesson of honesty on my own.

She refused to speak to me.

She didn’t consider me worthy of her wrath or of being punished by telling my name to the teachers or her parents.

“A lie will easily get you out of a scrape, and yet, strangely and beautifully, rapture possesses you when you have taken the scrape and left out the lie.” ~ Charles Edward Montague

Our friendship had met a dead-end. The guilt it left me with, was so strong that even today I can feel a bad taste rise in my mouth. The tincture of time healed Aditi’s wounds soon but the jab my broken friendship left on my heart was there to stay and bleed. The cold, steely look in her eyes, every time our paths crossed, jolted me from the inside. 

Around six months later, during our games period, I abruptly decided to walk up to our class teacher and own up that it was me who was responsible for what happened with Aditi. Without wasting a single moment to reconsider my new-found resolve, I had a word with my class teacher. 

Mrs Sachdev ( our class teacher) didn’t scold me. Instead, she simply asked me, why after so long had I chosen to speak the truth. To this day, I believe that my teacher’s calm and understanding approach that day played a major role in helping me understand and analyze all that happened between Aditi and me on a fateful day and on the many days that followed. 

Mrs Sachdev very calmly helped me see, how easy it was to speak the truth and save ourselves from the massive damages dishonesty causes. The worst had been that I had lost my best friend forever. Mrs Sachdev took the initiative to help me reconcile with Aditi telling her that I had realized my mistake and was remorseful about all that happened. 

Though Aditi was gracious enough to forgive me, our severed friendship never revived. Years rolled past, but this incident has stayed with me in all its vividness like it happened just yesterday, inspiring me to remember the importance of being honest at every occasion in life.  Having conquered the fear of ‘what might happen if I speak the truth’ is the biggest accomplishment in life that ensures I sleep sound with a clear conscience every night.

“We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.” ~Tad Williams

Today, by sharing this story very close to my heart, I wish to tell you, dear, that no matter how strong be the temptation to be dishonest, the fear of being reprimanded, stand up tall, to be honest, to be accountable for all you are responsible for. It might be the beginning of a difficult road, but it will pave way for a happy ending eventually. 

With loads of love and blessings, 

Mum 

The song on my mind: Yaaron ~ Rockford 

To read all letters to my daughter head here

* Name changed to protect identity.

Let’s Talk

My darling Pari,

I know its been forever since I wrote a letter to you, but between a mum and child it’s never too late to bond all over again over  a new medium. So here I am pouring my heart in words. Putting down another wish, I would love to see come true.

Talking, communicating, sharing, understanding each other’s point of view and the like, holds a very special place in my life. I like it most when someone decides to ‘talk to me’. Is ready to ‘hear me out,’ before we plunge to judging, letting assumptions grow over our mind.

We so often wish to realize our un-fulfilled dreams in our children. This perhaps is one of them in my case. I have always longed for my mother to sit and talk to me. Randomly, vaguely, generally, casually, making me feel so comfortable that I let loose the secrets I hold within. So that I never feel hesitant in sharing all the good, bad and sometimes pointless events of my life with her. Somehow, such a moment has never arrived in my life.

No, I won’t blame life or its fast pace for this. Because, deep down in my heart, I have full realization that this is more an issue of social conditioning and temperamental differences between mum (or say mum and dad both) and me. We don’t share the same view of life. My parents are of the opinion that kids are born to listen and parents were created to discipline them, keeping the reigns of life tight in their grip so that children are given no opportunity to go stray (in casual terms we may label this as being ‘control freaks’).

Anyway, let’s end the digression here and let’s talk about you and me. I want to gift you a comfort zone, where we exist as friends and cease to be a parent and a child.

I want to talk my heart to you. Talk about the big issues, small issues, my history, my dreams, our future together, your views, your opinions, your beliefs, your points of view and so much more on a daily basis. We might not have the luxury of free time, but I know, if we want to talk we can do it even while running the chores, working on the Internet, sorting out the laundry or anything for that matter.

Pari, I wish to connect with you, from the heart. Be a part of your life, the way you see it. Not in the capacity of a mother or a parent but as someone who loves you more than herself. I know, you’ll read this letter many years from today, but, I have already started working on this dream of mine from the day you were born.

Ever since, we’ve started talking about all in our hearts, I feel we have bonded at a whole new level. Our hearts feel united by the bond of understanding. The joy of having found a friend whom we know will hear us out even when we haven’t been at our best behavior.

I believe, if silence is golden, speech is platinum because it dispels the cobwebs of our hearts.

I promise to listen to all you have to say, whether I agree to it or disagree. I will always respect your right of being an independent individual even while you are a minor, because for me, you are my best friend.

With lots of love and blessings,

Mum

The song on my mind: Raat akeli hai bujh gaye diye ~ Jewel Thief

 

Gifts for my baby

My dear Pari,

I’ve been planning on a  list of gifts I’d love to give you in the times to come.

Quite contrary to my thinking, the list actually isn’t too long and has gifts that I am sure you’ll cherish for a lifetime.

1. Freedom to be who you are born to be –

I wish you follow your heart at every step in life to be who you were born to be. I’ll be your guide, helping you get access to a variety of resources letting you explore your hidden strengths. But, the decision of what you become in life will always rest with you.

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Be what you feel you want to be in every cell of your system, never worrying about the tradition or social norms. Don’t spend your precious life being what others want you to be.

2. Be Open –

 In your thoughts, words and contemplation of all that happens in your world. Don’t assume. Ask a lot of questions to understand the reality better because it is the key to ‘adventure’ of seeking while you inquire and wait for answers from all over. Basing today, on the judgement of others made in the past, is never the right policy.

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Have a clear mind and gift yourself opportunity to outshine your past achievements. Every record is made to be broken. People aren’t mind-readers, tell them what’s on your mind. Communication is the key, saying those first words makes everything clear like the first rays of sun clear up the fog in no time. I might disagree with what you say but I will always hear you out before making my point.

3. Read more – 

I dream of you reading lots of books. We are the products of all we know. The easiest mode of gaining knowledge is reading about things to lengths we desire. The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you will have over your life.

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Don’t restrict your reading to academics, novels or comics. Read all that the world reads, for interest begins only when you’ve touched upon the treasures of the unseen, discover them through reading.

4. Imagination & Curiosity –

 Imagination is the leaven that adds colour to even the monochrome chapters of life, making them animated and soothing to the soul. However, curiosity makes life a never-ending adventure where ‘stopping’ is never an option as you desire to know more and more.

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Let your imagination encourage resourcefulness, spur creativity, and break down boundaries. Fan the spark of your imagination and curiosity to sail through life with joy.

 5. Discipline – 

The ability to postpone pleasures of today for long-term gains is the biggest sign of discipline. Be it in planning your timetable as a student, taking care of your finances, organizing your career goals or scheming for your family’s future; a disciplined approach always bears sweet fruits.

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Another vital aspect of disciplined life is having the reins of your very being in control. You are the master of your universe, your body, mind and soul and responsible for its well-being. So make sure you take care of yourself devoting time to staying healthy, eating nutritious foods, save well for indulgences and be the planner of what all happens to you and your life.

Peace Hope Faith Love Believe

I am wrapping these gifts in the wrapping of my unconditional love, sealed with the glue of confidence and adorned with the bright ribbon of hope that tomorrow shall be brighter and better than today in every way, because we are together going to build it on the foundation of faith I laid the day you tiptoed in my life.

With lots of love & blessings,

Mum

Looking for the best gifts ideas for your kids this Christmas? Here are the must give gifts for your children that'll make their lives happier. #theerailivedin

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The song on my mind: Ek pyar ka nagma hai ~ Shor