There is something so exciting about the last ten days of every month, that they never fail to push me out of my blogging slumber. Oh well! no-matter how dearly I wish to give up procrastination, but I guess it’s the fault in my stars, that make me enjoy it. For a change, in 2015, I have stopped using the excuse of being ‘busy’ because it somehow sounds lousy.
Without much ado, let’s welcome 2015 on this blog (though I am already a good 23 days late). The much delayed mandatory post of taking stock of the year 2014 is finally here.
2014 is a very important year of my life. Full of negativity, pain, depression, frustration and hurt, still a major learning curve. The handful of highs in the year were somehow diluted by the major setbacks I suffered.
I am refraining from delving into the details of all that I did in 2014 cause they have been covered in my blog-posts all through the year.
The one lesson I learnt was, every pit, every fall isn’t just the result of our destiny or karma, but designed to teach us first-hand lessons of what failure feels like. No amount of open talk, reading or guidance from anyone can teach us, what facing setbacks teach us.
Though the major depression & psychological trauma I underwent in the past one year was unbearable, but, today in hindsight, I have no desire to erase them out of my life. The reason being, they played the litmus test, revealing to me, the true feelings of the handful people in my life. Today, I am 100% aware as to whom to trust and to what extent, in any circumstances life throws my way.
2014 saw me crying for most part. Less out of pain and more out of anger. If you’d seen me for real, you’d feel I’d transformed to a fire-breathing dragon. My relationship with my family hit rock bottom on all fronts. Yes, even as a parent, I was rough, irritated and hurt. Pari has been at her stubborn best lately, taking me all year to tame my wild side.
If you are going through hell, keep going – Winston Churchil
Truth be told, 2014 made me feel lonely like never before. I wished to run away from home, somewhere far away, where I knew no one and no one knew me. If I sound like an escapist, then be it. But, being a single mother left me with no choice. I could not turn a blind eye to the fact, that every decision I make has a direct impact on my child’s life. My child has been my anchor. She’s been holding onto me tightly to keep me from losing myself to the vicious cycle of hurt and depression.
It’s amazing how we adults often see children as dependents, just because they need us to take care of their physical needs. But, I feel the reality is, we adults are dependent on our children for love, emotional support, the feeling of being wanted and so much more that our children gift us just being there in our lives. These priceless gifts are the real strings that bond parents to their children and vice versa. I am a slow learner who has had a fogged vision thus far. But, slowly things are beginning to make lot of sense. My forever teary eyes are slowly drying up. I am able to see through life and people, much clearly than ever before. This is the real high in my life that the bumpy ride of 2014 gave me.
Today in 2015, when I look back to the miserable year 2014 has been, I don’t wish to delete any of those painful events from the chapters of my life. They are the ones who have made me, me, who is right here today. Maybe it’s the dawn of maturity, maybe I am growing old. But nonetheless, I am glad I have been constantly analyzing and learning with every passing minute.
Keeping a diary or updating this blog regularly are among the top failures of my life. But the good news is, I never stopped trying. I have lately freed myself from being pushy about writing regularly (the result is clear in the stats on this blog). Though I am determined to give myself enough space, I’ve resolved to keep blogging forever.
Since I have written much about the lows, a slight mention about the years’ highs is a must. As most of you are aware, in 2014 we moved to our new home, I also reclaimed my prowess at driving a two-wheeler after almost a decade of driving cars. So much so, that I am slowly beginning to love my two-wheeler rides for the sheer convenience in finding a parking spot. It is so much hassle free. Feeling the wind in my hair fills me with the joy of being free, something I am absolutely in love with.
That was my much ado about the year that just went past. I am all set to make the most of 2015 and get sharing the many new hobbies I have taken up, what is Pari up to and which school have I finalized for her. They are coming up real soon.
The one thing I love about blogging is, writing about my life makes me go “Wow! I am actually doing something if not many things in life, contrary to what I think about myself”. That’s a very good feeling.
I am sincerely hoping that someone in this big wide world is surely reading this. Here’s a sweet treat from my oven for you
(to bribe you to keep reading my blog) to wish you a fantastic 2015. Trust me it tasted way better than it looks.