Chaos

In the past few many years I have somehow grown so accustomed to chaos in my life, that the handful of days that actually work for me, I am left baffled if I am driving in the wrong lane. It comes across as extremely silly, but is the unfortunate truth of my view of life. Lately, I have come to doubt normalcy more than I worry about the turmoils in my life.

Even though I have changed dramatically, my habit of worrying way more than advisable, has been one of the major deterrents keeping me off the blog. In the past couple of months, I tried hard to pump in some renewed energy, positivity and confidence in my life. Life has been continuously pushing me to stay on my toes.

This is more about a long sequence of events than a handful of coincidences. It’s amazing, so many of those issues already occur in form of full blown, aptly titled posts in my head waiting for me to be kind enough to scribble them on this blog. Today was another mad day. One, when I am not even sure if I’ll be able to finish or publish this post tonight itself before passing out on the keyboard.

But, right from morning, I wanted to write something. Even if incoherent, to lighten up my on-the-verge-of-bursting mind. With the outbreak of Swine Flu in my part of the world, despite precautions, Pari caught a very nasty cold & cough. A severe case that took over two weeks to go away & involving visits to the hospital which did little good and more harm.

Visiting a hospital at the time of an epidemic puts everyone at the tremendous risk of contracting infection in the hospital premises. The same happened with me. I visited the hospital with a sick child & in matter of minutes, I was sick too. Though starting medication at the right time, did cure my cold and fever in matter of a few days, the cough decided to stay on. You can imagine the severity of my cough with the fact that on two occasions I successfully scared stray dogs by coughing violently in their proximity.

Pari had to miss school for a full week owing to her ill-health and re-infection because of her stubbornness (a full post on that issue is coming up soon) and in matter of less than a week, she is severely sick with a gastrointestinal infection. The past two days have been very rough on all of us. While my family managed to enjoy the India vs Pakistan World Cup match, I was busy cleaning up the home and laundry soiled in vomitus.

These trying times and a mad-making cough leave literally no energy in me to open my heart and mind on this blog. I decided to break the vicious circle of craziness and chaos by scribbling some of the many pent up tensions.

Juggling assignments with the important task of nursing a cranky, very sick baby who needs my time and attention with never-getting-in-control-household-chores and my own bad cough, I feel like I am too inept at handling life at my age. The one issue I have been constantly chasing is juggling my peace of mind and my financial freedom. While I have a dearth of them both, I think, I can handle life optimally with just a handful of them both. I am not striving at an excess. But, who doesn’t love an extra chunk of peace or few extra pennies in the purse?

But life refuses me the privilege to splurge in either of them, pulling the strings way too often. Being a single parent is slowly beginning to burn me down with the double share of responsibilities in the same 24 hours. Though, not having any choice but to face the situation as it comes is life’s way of helping me live through this mammoth responsibility.

*Apologies for publishing this post without proof-reading but I can’t stay awake for any more seconds and neither can I end my day without publishing this post. Thank you for bearing with me.

3 thoughts on “Chaos

  1. Take care M.E. I can understand and let me tell you from experience CHAOS is good , yeah i say that because seriously after the last 5-6 years if I did not chaos I would be lost ..

    BRING It on .. GOd bless the little one how is she doing now .. GET WELL SOON

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  2. Satori

    Lots of hugs to you, my dear! My toddler has been sick with cold and cough, my husband is sick too with a bad cough and while I am on the verge of falling sick too, I don’t have any choice but to take full care of the cranky and clingy child, with almost no help from my husband! And it’s been just 4 days! And I already feel so exhausted! I simply can’t imagine how single parents do it! And I understand completely when you say how it affects work– I work from home too and have had to cancel assignments that I took on earlier, half way through, inspite of my desire to finish it well 😦 . Things will look up, ME. Please don’t lose hope!

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