I have always disliked the facial expression with knit brows. Irrespective of who does it, it triggers a rush of adrenaline in my blood forcing me to try my best to either ease out those creases or run away from there. It sounds crazy for many people knit their brows to strain their eyes or to focus intently, but still, my reaction is the same.
The roots to this phenomenon lie in my childhood when I used to see my grandfather, father and even mother knit their brows when stressed out or angry. Either way I would dislike the silence that echoed in the still and silent household for that has been the way of reacting to rage and worry as far my parents and grandparents are concerned.
I would be scared wondering what would happen next. The uncertainty fear and stress slowly building in my little mind gradually made me dislike that expression. I decided to help myself by trying to erase the furrows and creases with my tiny fingers cracking everyone up when I was a little girl, thus lightening the situation.
As I grew I slowly lost the skill of erasing the deepening furrows that time and circumstances drew on my dear ones faces. If I had the power to change something, I would change this fact of my life for deep down I strongly want to do it. On and off I would request them not to frown but on most occasions my humble requests met angry glares. The same continued when my ex-husband was a part of my life.
Last week while Pari was very upset I noticed similar expression on her face. Conveniently blaming it to be a trait she had inherited from her father, as I bent to even out the skin around her forehead I happened to catch a glance of myself in the mirror behind her.
Woah! I was startled as if I had touched a live wire. Not only I had knit brows but a very stressed out look on my face. How on earth with that kind of agitated look could I expect Pari to stay calm and all smiling? I have been chasing the shadow without realizing that it was my own-self in the bright light.
Sparrow (a reader of this blog) had once commented that whatever I do or say will dictate how Pari becomes. To have a happy child I need to be happy. The energy around needs to be positive to envelope everyone and make them feel good from within. This message was so powerful that I could never forget it and in fact it came rushing to me that very instant when I looked at myself in the mirror.
It isn’t about aging but about attitude. It’s all in the mind. It’s a matter of how I want to be, how I wish to see life and how angry, stressed or worried I want to let myself be. I agree we seldom have control over life but yes, we can definitely try to control how we react to those situations.
I am learning my share of life lessons, slowly but surely. I am still on the mission of erasing all frowns and creases but this time I have started from myself and I am sure the day I will conquer my own mood swings, I’ll see the world in a different light.
The song on my mind: Aaina mujhse meri pehle si ~ Daddy