Looking back

Its been a rough ride, a high tide and yes, my tears have dried since I started this blog. Though today isn’t my blog anniversary, but I thought of looking back at how far I have come in these four years.

This blog was born out of my need to purge out the pain, to seek clarity from catharsis of the hurt my dead marriage had sent my way. Though it started with an idea of becoming my personal journal, this blog has grown in ways I hadn’t thought possible.

To begin with, this blog isn’t my first blog. I have been blogging for almost 9 years now and my earlier blogs focused mainly on my (then) professional life. Though I did scribble personal posts back then but somewhere I could never get the feeling that I was letting go of a piece of myself in every blog post I type out.

This is where this blog is different. In every post written on this blog, I can feel a part of me. I can re-live the pain, the joy, the bewilderment, the animosity, the passion surging in their myriad hues. Every now and then someone who has been silently reading my blog chooses to write an email and that’s when I take time to sit and read the relevant posts all over again.

There are times when those precious emails have made me see life from a different angle. Every time it happens, my onward journey gets a new direction. Every single word written on this blog is close to my heart. I want to preserve it to be able to read and share with Pari many years from today. That was exactly the whole idea when I had started this blog and it holds true till today.

When I was struggling to let go of the painful memories, I had often wished for the super-power to forget all happenings, all arguments to be able to look ahead from the noise of troubled times.

My wish was granted. But like everything in life, this blessing too came at a price.

The fading memory did lend me relief from the cacophony of troubles but along with the flow slowly started erasing the lessons learnt with time. I started struggling to remember exact details of the events that happened hardly 3 years from today. This was when, this blog came in handy.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”  ― Haruki Murakami

All it takes is to sift through the archive to commemorate any memory from the 4 years gone by. This blog is my solace, my haven of cherished life-lessons.

Recently, a strange fear has been knocking at my heart. One that I just can’t shrug off. The fear of losing this blog. In an era driven by technological advancements, it might come across as pointless, but we cannot rule out the possibility given the fact my blog is currently hosted on a free platform.

What if one fine day, WordPress.com chooses to shut down? Would taking a back up of 400+ blog posts and over 100 drafts be plausible in that kind of an emergency?

This gives birth to the desire of shifting to a self-hosted blog. I am 75% sure that I want to do it, but the 25% currently clouded mind is not too sure if it is a smart move. Besides, it involves money that though isn’t negligible but can surely be seen as an investment to keep me inspired enough to blog regularly.

What do you think?

Do you have a self-hosted blog or have an idea of how good or not-so-good this idea is?

Which platform do you use?  Are you satisfied with the results?

P.S. – Do you like the new look of the blog?

The song on my mind: Chalte Chalte, mere ye get yaad rakhna 

22 thoughts on “Looking back

  1. Bikramjit

    I have no clue what to say.. I do fancy having my own blog site but never got to find out what or how to do it..

    Although I am happy with what I have as I have met some lovely people like you through the blog. .


    1. Ditto Bikram, the amazing friends and community I have built because of this blog is in fact the biggest gift of blogging to me 😀
      I’ll share the details if and when I get a domain for my blog 🙂


  2. Mersha

    Hi Friend. Your blog is one of the few blogs that I can connect emotionally with, when I read any post. Same as you, I started to write mainly to purge my sadness. As I read your post today, I can totally relate to how you feel, becoz that is how I feel a lot of the time. I think you should have a self hosted blog, where you can write without any fear. Yes its like an investment, but one which will give you as much control as possible. I am still using wordpress, becoz i have been blogging for just a year and want to give it more time, before I take up self hosting my blog. So choose which you feel is best for you and remember that whatever your decision, you will have me following your posts :). All the best and keep writing.


    1. Hi Mersha,
      Thank you for sharing your valuable input 🙂
      I agree with you on the logic of going self-hosted ( though I have been playing around the idea, I am beginning to feel which way I want to go 🙂 )


  3. I did think about it, but the cost is prohibitive for me. I actually write everything in my gmail first. So I have all posts in my drafts. But it will be super upsetting if I lose the blog. Will cry for days.


    1. Lucky you to have a handy back-up of your blog-posts in gmail 🙂
      The cost bit has been keeping me off from a long time, but finally I have pushed myself to make a decision, I am tired of this nagging thought lurking in my mind all the time 🙂
      Of course, we love our blogs like our baby 😀


  4. pixie

    You have come such a long way and you are one of the bravest souls I know 🙂

    I have a backup and I have been thinking about going the self-hosting way for a long time now.. but haven’t decided…
    I don’t think WP is going anywhere 😀 don’t worry about that.. but it is a good idea to keep a back up 🙂


    1. {Hugs}
      Thank you sweetie for being there right from the start, it has been the support of wonderful people like you that I have emerged from the sea of grief and come this far.
      You are one smart cookie to have backed up your blog. Now it is action time for me. I am going to do something concrete soon 😀


  5. I like the new look. 🙂
    There are ways to take a backup of the blog ME, why don’t you try that? Maybe every 6 months you back it up and have it on your hard disk. 🙂


  6. I love the new look and the snow flakes..

    And you are right about technology or rather free technology being not reliable enough.

    Self hosting, even though I have not done it, definitely comes with it’s set of challenges.

    I am not sure about the pros and cons.

    Would love to know.. Please share what you find out.

    Good luck for whatever you choose.

    Hugs ..


    1. Thank you dear for your valuable input 🙂
      I have been reading a lot about the pros & cons of going self-hosted so maybe time has come for me to take action, finally 🙂


  7. Wow! Looks like I’ve missed a lot of action on your blog post. Think I’ll order garlic naan and sarson da saag for lunch today 🙂

    Moving to a self hosted site is a great idea. It is not expensive – plus you can transfer all posts and comments from this blog to that one painlessly. And yes, you can take back ups of them in the tragic case of………. *shudders to even think of it*

    Take care. Please say Hi to Pari from my side 🙂


    1. Thank you Vishal for a thumbs up to the idea of a self-hosted site. I think time has come to make a shift 🙂
      I hope you enjoy the Saag & naan lunch 😀


  8. I do not really know what a self hosted blog involves and whether it is worth the expense. I saw some messages about Digilocker sponsored by the Govt. where we can keep valuable documents online.

    As we grow older (closer to becoming a senior citizen) we do have a tendency to look back as there is not much to look forward to. However, the advise given is that do not look back. Plan for whatever activity that you enjoy doing hereafter.

    If the purpose of the self hosting is to recall the forgotten painful experiences, then I would say it is not worth it. Life is short- much shorter than we imagine, especially when we are young. If it is to ensure our writing for posterity ( assuming that they have that kind of relevance for the general population who do not know you personally) then that is a personal decision.

    As for our records vanishing due to closure or change of website, the best example is Picasa. They have made some change in their arrangement and now I am unable to locate the photos I have posted prior to 2005. So from that point alone, it may be worth having a backup which is inexpensive.

    In a larger context, some pain will remain attached to our sub-conscious till our last breath. So the best course is to accept it and move on. Some such memories will crop up at unexpected moments. Each of us have to deal with it in our own way.


    1. Oh! I remember well what happened with Picasa because I lost many photos myself. I don’t want to take any chances with this blog though so planning to take a back-up at my earliest 🙂


  9. Have to come love you thru your blog. Have caught up on almost all your posts now, I used to read you and then went thru some upheavals in my life, health related, and lost your link. Glad to be back again. You are one helluva brave gal and someone whose jottings I draw a lot of inspiration from these days. Love the food related posts too except that they leave me drooling. And since I have a highly diabetic mum here with me who I’m trying to wean off her myriad awful cravings am forced not to even attempt some of the more mouthwatering recipes you post.

    Since, this blog is so important to you and someday when Pari is all grown up(imagine that imp growing up even more than she’s already done:-)) you will want to relive her and your lovely(and not so lovely!) experiences via your heartfelt renderings here so I’m all thumbs up for you getting your own blog home(if you can afford it fairly easily that is). I’m the nostalgic kinds you see, I keep every scrap of paper, every greeting card, every memento that holds some memory for me so if I wrote like you my blog would surpass all those mementoes and doodads:-)

    And keep writing, you have such a poignant way with words. Wishing you and Pari and the entire family oodles of joy, rest and peace in the holiday season and the coming year. Has pari asked for santa to come and has he visited you guys yet? Just let her know if he hasn’t he kinda got delayed on this side of the world:-) but is hurrying to her.


    1. {Hugs}
      Thank you for sharing your valuable insight. It mans a lot to help me see things in a better light and from a different perspective. Yes, memories are precious to me as well, that’s why I have made up my mind to go self-hosted.


  10. hugs

    about the self hosting…sigh I am now too lazy to even change theme or sidebar.
    I just write and post and thats it… I dont think I have the energy to take the pain of shifting the blog and all that now.

    I am just praying wordpress never shuts down! 😛


    1. Changing theme and then rearranging everything is a big headache, I avoid it myself. So maybe, I will find a tutorial to get what I want without too much trouble 🙂
      Oh definitely! Long Live WordPress 🙂


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