What is the one struggle that is holding you back?

For me, it’s my weight.

I’m embarrassed about my weight.

I have been so all my life.

I have been ducking writing about this topic for close to a decade, but it is very, very present in my mind and my life all the time.

This year, when I have shifted focus to GROWTH, I feel it is just about time I address the one problem that has been keeping me from becoming the person I can be.

I have been overweight almost all my life.

From being called names to being bullied in school by peers and also coaches, I have experienced all aspects of fat-shaming in the years I’ve walked this planet.

Not anymore.

Today, I am determined to look at this problem in the eye and work my way to its roots.

Today, I am ready to invest in the hard work, discipline and planning that tackling this issue would entail.

Before I embark on the journey of getting my weight in control, I wish to record my thoughts and the facts from my past life that shall help me see through the tough times everytime I get stuck.

Despite being overweight and being highly conscious about it, I have never resorted to crash dieting or dieting in its strictest form. EVER.

Though, all my life, I have been very mindful of my fat and carbohydrate (to some extent) intakes.

I do not have a sweet tooth and I am not a big fan of chocolates either.

And to top it all, I have been regular with exercising almost all my life (except during my pregnancy due to grave complications).

And, I do not binge eat or lead a sedentary life.

An overview of my lifestyle has always left me baffled about the fact that why have I always struggled to lose weight.

And that is the very question I am determined to address from here on.

I can’t tell you how many sleepless nights I have spent on this draft before finally deciding to publish it to be read by anyone and everyone.

Don't worry if you're making waves simply by being yourself. The moon does it all the time. This quote by Scott Stabile sums up the courage I've mustered in sharing the one struggle that has been holding me back all my life. #theerailivedin #quotestoliveby #growthquotes #couragequotes #positivequotes #quotestoliveby

Today, I have shared the one secret, I have been holding dear for over a decade of my blogging life.

My weight has been a BIG reason why I shy away from sharing my pictures on the blog or any of the social media channels I’m part of.

And when I do share a picture, you’d notice it is always heavily cropped. It’s because I cringe with embarrassment every time I look at my photos.

I believe, the issue isn’t so much about my weight but how I have come to connect it with my self-worth over the years.

My self-confidence has been shredded to pieces by the years of fat shaming I suffered in form of subtle hints and cues from friends, family, dress designers and even from the shopkeepers of the readymade garment stores.

Today, I have had enough.

Today, I am ready to set myself free from the twisted thoughts that I have been relating to my weight.

Today, I am prepared to address the self-sabotage that has been preventing me from taking care of myself, making me feel worthless and an utter failure in every walk of life.

And the worst of all, I have been running from all these feelings by keeping my self BUSY all awake hours and hustling till my body feels too exhausted to feel like a failure.

It’s a vicious cycle and it has contributed to me losing sight of what really matters.

Today, I am all set to acknowledge all these issues, publicly, for two major reasons:

1. I am hoping that by being open and honest like I have always been on my blog, I am setting myself up for acceptance by the universe. I am secretly wishing that in doing so, I shall open up the channels that’ll help me heal and be a happier, healthier person than I am today.

2. I am hoping that by talking about my problems more openly, I am creating a way for you to analyse your life and encourage you to address your ‘own‘ issues without feeling any shame around it. I’m sure, acceptance of your flawed self is sure to make you feel more human, more alive and less alone.

In the many sleepless nights, I spent pondering over this draft, I have realised that I am not sharing my weight issues so that I can keep myself accountable to lose weight.

I am sharing my deepest fears and struggles because I’m working toward more self-acceptance and more self love no matter what weight I’m at.

I want to accept myself fully.

I want to come to love myself as I am and any version of me I shall become in the days to come, wholeheartedly.

Yes, I want to lose weight 100%.

Yes, I want to work on all the issues that have been dragging me down.

But I want to do it all from a place of self-compassion and self-acceptance.

One of the big lessons I learnt along the way is that;

Anytime you're feeling worthless, broken or depressed, do remember that we are inherently whole no matter what and that we are worthy because we exist. #theerailivedin #positivequotes #selflovequotes #selfcare #inspiration #quotestoliveby

And to me, this is all that matters.

Maybe it’s time for you, too, to look at that one challenge or one struggle that you just know is holding you back.

To take a closer look and strive to do something about it, like I am.

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The song on my mind: Raazi (title track) ~ Raazi

 

9 thoughts on “What is the one struggle that is holding you back?

    1. I’ve heard a lot about intermittent fasting but never tried it. Maybe its time I deep dived into it and check if it works for me.
      Thank you for the suggestion, orbitbud 🙂

      Like

  1. i salute your brutal honesty and applaud your steps to fulfill your desire, lose weight because it will make you healthier not happier, happiness will come from being healthy and confident you can be around for a very long time for your daughter. be well my dear and pursue your dream

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So rightly said, Gina.

      Thank you for that much-needed reminder that happiness is an inside job and can never be experienced by pinning it on a goal or an achievement.

      Thank you for your constant support and good wishes. They mean a lot 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so proud of you for not following any crash diets or dieting and also for working on your health despite everything, Era. And, yes, it takes guts to share your story with the world. I used to be really thin and have heard quite a many taunts and jokes made behind my back. I took it in my stride and worked on myself–diet and exercise–and am today much healthier, although people say I would look better if I put on a couple kilos more. But, I will tell you what, my problem is a higher metabolic rate. Do you have any such issue? Have you thought about getting your thyroid checked? That too might result in weight issues.
    Love yourself the way you are and keep working on your health–overall health, which also includes your mental and emotional health. Not that I am an authority on the subject, but I have experienced that when I was too stressed out some years ago, I lost loads of weight and my weight came down to a mere 44 kgs. Gosh, I looked so gaunt and hated myself back then. It was all a result of stress back then….The stress is there now too, in a different form, but, I have learned to take care of that stress, make sure it doesn’t ruin my health.
    I would like you to look at it from all angles–your weight issues.
    If you ever feel like talking, I am here. I won’t be able to give you any professional aid, as such, but it’s always good to share your thoughts, as you have.
    Gosh! Did I go overboard with my thoughts? I hope not. Take care.
    Meeting you after a long time! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Dear Shilpa,
      So glad to hear from you. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your personal experience and perspective. It means a lot because I am yet in the phase where I am figuring out my plan of action.
      I have the medical aspect of my weight issue in check. I go for regular tests and I’m happy to report that all of them are in good shape.
      I’m delighted by the fact that you took the time to touch upon so many vital aspects of this seemingly simple issue.
      I appreciate your support and guidance, Shilpa.
      Much love ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That sure is a good sign that all your reports show you are in good shape. Touchwood.
        And, I am sure, Era, that with time, you will figure out what you need to work at and achieve what you wish to. Of course, it will take loads of time and patience. But, don’t give up on yourself. I know, you won’t. 🙂
        And, don’t get too stressed about not being able to lose weight in spite of taking care of yourself. That stress is not needed, really. There is enough to stress us about in Life, already!

        Love and hugs!
        Take care…

        Like

  3. ME! Proud of you Girl!!! Bravo:) Admire your guts in sharing something so deeply personal. Thanks for sharing with all of us.
    I was always super thin all my life – till I had a child. Something transformed within me and instead of losing weight when I am stressed, I started gaining weight whenever I am stressed.
    So I know little bit about what you are talking about.
    No advise just positive vibes and power to you ME. May you feel weightless sooner than soon:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you dear for sharing your personal experience and the much needed positive vibes. I guess I need lots of positive energy to take massive action and realise this dream of mine.

      Much love ❤

      Like

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