Since I made up my mind that it was time I shifted my life and mind to make my dream of losing weight a reality, there has been an avalanche of revelations in my life.
No change is easy.
More so if it revolves around a combination of mindset and lifestyle change on a permanent basis.
But before I got overwhelmed or plunged deep into the never-ending pit of the many weight loss plans the Internet has to offer, better sense prevailed and I chose to get sorted with the WHY I actually wanted to lose weight.
I had a long list of STRONG reasons why I dearly wished to lose weight.
Below are a few obvious top contenders of my mental list:
♥ The joy of looking great and feeling confident in my own skin.
♥ Reduced risk of the big name medical scares whose statistical risk increases with every inch increase in my waist.
♥ Freedom from the need to constantly repeat the mantra of “health at every size” in my mind.
♥ Freedom from the need to suck in my belly before every picture.
♥ Ability to scratch, scrub and moisturise all areas of my body (especially the back) effortlessly. Though I can do so even at my current weight, you know what I mean, don’t you?
♥ To feel comfortable around food so that I naturally pick foods that make my body feel cared for.
♥ Ability to drive for long trips without my leg or hip going to sleep because I can move around comfortably while cruising.
♥ Ability to bend over and tie my shoes in any location.
♥ To be able to play, care for and enjoy life with my grandkids without the hesitation to get on the floor because I am not worried about getting up.
♥ Ability to climb and descend a flight of stairs without aches or a heart threatening to break open my ribcage with violent beating.
♥ I desire the freedom to comfortably carry my grandkids, even up the stairs if I so, please.
♥ I want to fit comfortably into chairs and restaurant cabins and don’t feel anxious about breaking them.
♥ I wish to stand around and chat comfortably at a party or while shopping without wondering where the next opportunity to sit down will be.
Though, when I sat myself down to pin down the reasons why this time, I’m determined to go all in and not stop till I reach my ideal weight, I was in for a surprise.
With each passing year, I have been getting more and more aware of the many illnesses and ailments that run in my family.
The top among them being the HIGH risk of cancer, diabetes and arthritis that has affected my immediate and extended family from time to time.
But this acute awareness failed to motivate me enough to take a deep dive into weight loss.
I did stay put on my endeavours of working out regularly, but besides having good blood biochemistry and overall good health it did not gift me any positive results on the weight loss front.
To be honest, I was rather complacent with being overweight (as is reflected by my inaction or ineffective action to change this status in the past).
But then, one day, I got a wake-up call that changed everything.
In the past year or so, I have been reading a lot about self-care and working steadily on finding a solution to the many problems plaguing my life.
And in this process, I started taking baby steps towards self-compassion and self-acceptance beyond self-awareness.
I believe, these small steps provided the fertile soil in which my current motivation planted itself, grew roots and is promising to bloom and bear fruit, eventually.
A few months ago, on a regular Sunday morning, Pari hopped onto the weighing scale after me.
While I am not very particular about the number on the scale, that day something struck my mind.
I noted that Pari weighed exactly the same I weighed when I was her age.
It should have resonated the belief, Like Mother, Like Daughter.
Instead, it rang an alarm bell for me.
I could feel panic fill my system. Despite the fact that Pari is NOT overweight.
When I took a moment to reflect on why I was overreacting to a pretty harmless situation, I could hear my mind screaming in my ears that
“What if Pari too grew up to be an overweight woman like me?”
Pari is at an age from where my journey of being overweight started.
This got me thinking.
I had no way of stopping that from happening.
Or maybe I did.
I might not be able to predict her future, but I could surely pave the way for a possible healthy future for her.
I do have the power to turn our life around and welcome a lifestyle that encourages healthy eating and active living.
But to make any of these happen, I, her role model has to do something that would convince her that a healthy spin on our lives as possible.
And that we can, at any time in our lives, take the reigns of our well-being and choose to become whoever we want to be.
Trust me, this whole idea literally freaked me out.
Though with time the overwhelm subsided, but not for once have I been able to let go of the fear that I had to do something about it, beginning right away.
If I wanted to help my daughter build a life for herself that was founded on good health, fit living and free from the shame and insecurities that surround obese people, I can’t let this motivation slip past.
At this point, you might argue that inculcating values of accepting ourselves as we are with no room for shame or discrimination on grounds of our weight, race, age, etc. could also help achieve the goal I had in mind.
I agree with dignity at every size.
I am an example who fits the health at any size philosophy.
I agree obese people should be supported in efforts to become more healthy outside of weight loss. After all, we all know, health isn’t a direct function of your weight.
But, the whole idea of mere acceptance of my overweight self won’t take away the evidence that obesity isn’t harmless.
Being overweight, when I am NOT addressing the underlying issues I can’t claim to be self-compassionate and loving myself in the ways my body would love to be.
I, who have lived the life of an overweight person for most years of my existence cannot stop short.
Actions teach better than words.
It’s time I made a choice and set the wheels in motion.
Here’s why I went ahead and made up my mind about what I wanted to do.
Despite the fear of failure, despite full knowledge of having quit (from my weight loss efforts) in the past, this time around I have made up my mind.
I choose to be a role model for my child.
I choose to go ahead and become a healthy weight person who leads a carefree, confident life.
I choose to be the change I want to see in my family’s health and break free of the stigma, the physical and emotional pain of being bullied, I’ve endured being overweight all my life.
I’m at the start of my weight loss journey.
I’m confident that though the HOW is going to determine my path ahead, it is the WHY of my weight loss journey that shall keep me going, every time I fall, every time I want to give up, every time I feel my motivation fizzle out, every time I hit a plateau.
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