I am sure you’re wondering where in the world I have been in the past two months.
Well, if you’re a subscriber of my newsletter, you’ve been hearing from me and have a fair idea about all that I have been up to.
In case you’re wondering, What NEWSLETTER? (you can read all about it here)
Okay, let’s get to the real deal.
In my last post, I had talked about my determination to lose my weight once for all.
To be free from the burden it has been imposing on my mind and body almost all my life.
And that’s exactly where this break (an unplanned one) came into play.
Before the very thought that I needed a concrete plan (not a diet plan because I am not into dieting, but more) to knock my extra pounds off struck me, something bigger, something life-changing visited me.
A thought that seemed obvious in the start but made a HUGE difference in my life.
I was sitting with a pen and paper and a cup of green tea wondering where should I begin my weight loss journey.
I knew, to ask Google was the way to go, but for a change, I chose to listen to my mind.
Within seconds, I started writing down an assessment of where I was in terms of my body weight, BMI, eating habits, exercise and blood chemistry.
For someone who enjoys exercising, is pretty regular with medical tests and weighing myself from time to time, this simple assessment brought to light so many facts I had no clue about.
To begin with, I did not know what was the ideal weight for someone my height. I was aware of the weight range but not the ideal weight.
I had no statistics to state if I was drinking enough water daily (though I was confident I was doing great on this front since this happened).
And that my ideas around watching my food were just ideas, because though I had been vouching on how healthy I ate, I had no answer to the fact, WHY WAS I STILL OVERWEIGHT?
Thus began my journey of finding the answers.
Within myself as well as from the universe.
I needed to establish a ground zero before I jumped into any luring diet plans or exhausting workout schedules.
I am reserving the findings of my research on this topic for upcoming posts.
The more I read and researched the more obvious it got that the extra pounds on my physical self, were entwined with a ton of emotional issues.
The fears, the shame, the anxiety, the self-doubt that had piled on over the years were threatening to raise their ugly heads.
And that’s exactly what happened.
I had barely started working on weight loss that a flurry of negative emotions trying to convince me how difficult weight loss can be, how I was diving into an endless pit of cravings and deprivations rose their heads.
I had really not anticipated this aspect of my weight loss journey when I had been preparing myself for the difficulties ahead.
From my family to close friends, the applause for my determination to lose weight lasted only till the time, I started watching what I ate.
My first reaction was to ignore the world and to live with my negative emotions pretending all was well.
But sugarcoating negativity with positive thoughts and affirmations could take me only so far.
That’s when, I made up my mind, to take a break in life, make time to work on myself. I couldn’t stop short because I knew a LOT was at stake.
It’s fascinating that something so (seemingly) simple as losing weight can prove to be a challenge that exposes us to our raw emotions.
It brings to fore our vulnerable self.
Calls for the need to mend the beliefs that led to our unhealthy, overweight selves.
And that’s what I have been tirelessly working on in the past few months.
I have been working on changing my lifestyle.
Been reading much self-help books.
Painstakingly combing the internet for weight loss advises that sounded practical and logical.
Been on a trial and error expedition with food, in an attempt to learn what works for my body and what doesn’t.
Above all, during this break, I have been spending a lot of time with myself.
Allowing free time and free room to get used to my changing lifestyle.
Listening to my body (for the first time ever).
Paying close attention to my thoughts, feelings and emotions, allowing them to flow freely through my system without any resistance.
Though the biggest achievement for me thus far has been that I am slowly beginning to love myself.
A love that’ll never, not even for a second let me go the harm’s way.
Self-love that made me feel at peace with who I am in my overweight, imperfect version.
A positive vibe that keeps me grounded when the scale shows positive results and also keeps me from losing hope every time the scale refuses to oblige.
Self-love that would not let me compromise my well-being in the name of my beliefs or for the sake of other people.
“I believe that one of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself is time.
Taking time to be more fully present. Your journey to becoming more inspired and connected to the deeper world around us starts right now.”
~ Oprah Winfrey
Self-love that has kept me sane and strong as I recently saw the demise of a close relationship.
It’s fascinating how much courage we need to harness from the pits of our soul when you decide to let go of someone close.
I have survived the death of a marriage in the past. It took me a long time to feel connected with my inner self again.
However, this time around, I feel better equipped to handle the trauma and the endless drama my changed circumstances have unleashed.
While I’m still not through the phase of immense stress and grieving, I have been okay enough to resist being swallowed into the black hole of self-sabotage.
On the positive side, I have successfully lost 30 pounds (and counting) and I can’t put in words how A M A Z I N G it feels to be finally doing something worthy for my own self.
The song on my mind: Agar Tum Saath Ho ~ Tamasha