How acceptance might be keeping you from becoming your best self

When I was a kid, my mother would make ‘gujiya’ around the festival season. It was a treat for the festivals. I enjoyed the flaky pastry crust. 

The grated coconut mixed with the khoya was tasty. But there was nothing less appetizing than the medley of raisins (of varied types) mixed with the slivers of almonds, and many other dry fruits portioned throughout each bite like miserable stars in an endless galaxy. 

Yes, I ate those hateful mixed raisins. 

The temptation, the desire will make you accept things. 

Think back to all the times you

“accepted” something and found it completely uninspiring. 

I accepted that my options were limited: 

I could either pick out a million tiny

raisins or figure out how to make these gujiya myself if I wanted them changed in any way. 

Why am I talking about gujias? 

Because acceptance is the mixed-raisin stuffed gujiya of self-love. 

It will keep you satisfied when the options are sparse, but what if there is a life beyond the gujiyas?

Too often, acceptance is used as a synonym for permission, for consent to not disturb the status quo.

We accept the things we cannot change. 

We accept death because we have no say over its unpredictable and indifferent arrival at our door. 

We have personal histories of bland acceptance. 

We have accepted lacklustre jobs because we were financially tight. 

We have accepted relationships because our lousy partners were better than the hollow aloneness of their absence. 

We practice acceptance when we have grown tired of self-hatred but can’t conceive of anything beyond a bare minimum tolerance of ourselves.

We often misunderstand acceptance for complacence. 

But if you really think about it, it is just a transition phase. 

A pause before you could be on your way to something bigger and better (if you allow yourself to do the work, though).

Accepting ourselves in entirety is an accomplishment. No doubt about it. But it needn’t be the end all goal.

There is more that can be achieved beyond this milestone.

I have experienced that feeling of being stuck, accepting my life in a way that there was no way of making it better. Yet feeling miserable every minute.

My life changed the day I decided, I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. 

The day I decided that I am changing the things I cannot accept.

 Yes, we can change the circumstances that have had us settle for acceptance. 

I assure you there is a simpler, realistic, compassionate way to carry through the world. 

There is a realm infinitely more mind-blowing than reluctantly accepting ourselves without having given ourselves a chance to feel the care and love we truly deserve.

A place where we learn to create our life on our terms with curiosity, compassion and commitment. 

Yes, confidence isn’t a pre-requisite. But courage is.

Yes, it isn’t quick or easy. But it is worth the effort.

Yes, it isn’t what the schools taught us, but it is something we can learn and create for ourselves.

Don’t sell your happiness short. 

Question your thoughts, your life and every aspect of it that makes you feel trapped. 

Self-acceptance is good only till it doesn’t push you into acceptance of the things that don’t make you feel good on the inside.

Your feelings matter. 

You matter. 

Don’t settle for less when you can create more for yourself. 

Think about it.


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8 thoughts on “How acceptance might be keeping you from becoming your best self

  1. vishalbheeroo

    Such an empowering post on Acceptance versus changing things. I can relate so much to it about situations leading us to accept the less satisfying job or relationships and what we cannot accept work towards growth and change for the latter is the only constant in life.


  2. I find that self-acceptance works in reverse. When you love who are you don’t accept what isn’t good for. You chase more because you want what’s best for you as opposed to trying to make up for some perceived inadequacy. Great post 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

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