…it gives me creeps!!
I am not going to narrate a plot from any thriller story or a horror movie. I am about to share one of my craziest fears of all times. The fear that ringing telephones (and even cellphones) fill me with. I am not very sure as to how or when it exactly started. But it has only grown with time.
I actually get butterflies in my stomach even with the thought of having to make a phone call. Be it as petty as calling my best buddy to getting anything organised by calling the help desk of any utility. Now you can guess it well, how severe my state is. I decided to write about it to be able to get a clearer picture of what exactly has been causing all this in past years.
Let’s start with a simple example. If I need to call the cellphone company about issues with my bill. I’ll first try to look for something easier than a phone call. I know, it sounds ridiculous but I prefer typing e-mails than a direct conversation over the phone. The funny part being, I am not scared of talking to the same people face-to-face.
My mind gets tense like a tightened guitar string with even the slightest thought of the probability of having to make a phone call in near future. If I have sometime to get myself prepared for the upcoming conversation, you can see me rehearsing it countless times in my head. In severe cases I lose my appetite and am seen behaving crazily as if my university exams results are about to be declared any minute.
I check and re-check the dialed number 4-5 times just to avoid spilling my well rehearsed conversation over a wrong number. Then comes the most difficult part of actually dialing the number. Being held in a queue adds fuel to my already panic struck state. Even if the computer says I’ll be waiting as long as 25 minutes, I refuse to answer people around me, even if it is a question like, whom are you talking to? just for the fear of losing concentration over my call. I refuse to disconnect and retry for having to go through the whole procedure of rehearsing and mustering courage one more time.
Anyhow, once the wait is over and the final moment of action arrives, don’t expect my rehearsals to bear any fruit for you’ll see me blabbering even when asked to spell my name. I know, it sounds crazy to forget how one’s name is spelt just because someone asked you this over the phone. I mean, even kids in kindergarten would do a better job than me in those moments.
Last but not at all the least, the minute some confidence pumps through my veins that yes, I can go ahead and do this you can literally hear my enthusiasm in my l-o-u-d voice. Yeah, I can sometimes be heard literally yelling on the phone, even when the people on the other end are never hard of hearing (at least before they answered my call).
When I am on the receiving end of a call, the scenario isn’t much different. I try to think it is a missed call, but when the caller doesn’t disconnect the call after one ring and I am forced to take the call, I look around with expectant eyes for any savior who would volunteer to answer the phone instead of me as if it’s a bomb ticking to explode and not a phone waiting to be answered.
While on phone you should expect to hear real non-sense replies from me for even the simplest of things. I lose count of the calendar make random guesses and mostly try to finish the conversation with simple “hmmm…yaaa…umhmm…etc.”
I am not sure if I’ll ever be able to conquer my fear of the phones but I certainly love writing letters and e-mails even to a plumber or a water line fitter than making a phone call to summon them.
Do you share my fear??
Song on my mind: