The fragrance of love lingers

Lot has been written, said and even been portrayed in various forms of art about love, lust, hatred, heartache and the countless emotions that spring from one common seed ~Love.

I too have been in love. More correctly I am still in love, just the form of it all has changed over the years we’ve been together. Like I said before, I have always been a great believer of love and fairy tale romance. For a person like me when the love of her life deceived her, she thought she’ll lose her faith in love, but this hasn’t happened as yet.

I have had an arranged marriage. A typical one where your parents look for a suitable match for you, approach the groom’s family and the boy and the girl meet. The same sequence happened with me too. All felt fine. I didn’t have any set questionnaire in my mind and I was pretty flexible in my criteria of a prospective husband. Instead of longing for a tall-dark-handsome-rich combo, I wanted someone decent with common sense and who loved life just the way it was.

The boy said he’d be more than happy to have me for a lifetime in the short span of 5 minutes from the time our private chit-chat session started. Then everything rolled on a regular course of how Indian marriages usually happen. Years went past. Life felt OK but there was something just not right about everything going on. I was very much in love. So was he (as he still claims to be). We even created a beautiful daughter together. But then suddenly, something happened.

Realization dawned on me. He loved me. True. But, he loved money more than he ever loved me. It was a bitter pill, too hard to swallow. I tried my best to talk the situation through. Came up with countless possibilities that could give him the benefit of doubt. Anything that could prove me wrong was a welcome thought. But, nothing on those lines has happened so far. Days changed to weeks and have now changed to months. I am  still thinking, unable to understand where has his share of love for me and our baby evaporated? How could a man not love his only child? how could he not be worried whether we live or die today?

I’d always thought, my love for him will soon change form. In no time I’ll start hating him. But, this hasn’t happened as yet. Even though our relationship is on the verge of a complete breakdown. I am at a point of no-return but still I am able to forgive him (though after a lot of thought and enduring lot of pain).

Forgiveness gifted me with a feeling of liberation, I feel I can breathe easier than I could in the past so many months. But love refuses to leave me. I keep thinking and thinking how could I love a man who tried to ruin my and my baby’s life? The answer to it lies deep in my heart. It is not because he was my first love. It is not even because I want to go back to him.

It is because, he gifted me with the most precious gift of my life. My baby. I love my baby more than I love my life or anything in this world. It is this realization that made me succeed in forgiving him even after all he has been doing to us.

Forgiving someone for the pain he’s caused doesn’t always mean he’ll be left to do as he pleases. He will definitely have to pay for the pain he’s brought in our lives. I leave all those important tasks in the hands of the law, his karma and destiny. For I know it well, someday he’ll be genuinely sorry for all he’s done, but it will be too late by then.

Song on my mind:

19 thoughts on “The fragrance of love lingers

  1. I have nothing to give you but just my hugs.. You have made it sound forgiving some one is easy. But I know how difficult it is to forgive.I admire you for the strength you have got..Just forget the past (easy to say na). But here is wishing you all happiness in life.
    Do post us about your little angle too.. her updates. would love to read 🙂

    Like

  2. I liked it because of the honestly every word is spilling….

    I don’t know what to say here MyEra I just feel really sorry for the entire situation ! Sometime destiny is on the verge of playing bad games with people around,huh!

    Will HUGS help?

    Like

  3. I wrote few sentences in this comment box and deleted them – repeatedly 2-3 times..
    I cannot say that I understand your pain and situation as I have never been in your shoes..But I can only imagine how you would have arrived at “forgiving” stage.. Everyone pays for their wrong doings in their current “janam” only and that day would come in his life also..

    My best wishes are with you and the little one..HUGS

    Like

  4. a big hug MyEra.. I have so much to say but words are not helping me.. When I decide to do something against my nature I usually jot down the reasons in a paper and keep it in my bag or in a notepad and save it in my desktop.. whenever I feel low or think again about my decision I go back to my reasons and read them. It definitely makes me feel better.. Some times as time passes by we tend to forget few things.. recording that in a medium and going through again might help us to reinforce that our decision is for the sake of good… hope this helps.. take care

    Like

  5. Loads of love and Hugs MyEra . Forgiving someone is not so easy as it sounds. Be strong! Things will change. Good times are not far ! Loads of love to the little one too.

    Take care.
    love and prayers

    Like

  6. Hey Era!! I read and my heart was sinking! May be at this age I cant understand the REAL feel but atleast I can give you a hug and try to make you smile 🙂 Love to your daughter!! May be You have got the best ever gift from GOD!!! Not every one can have everything 🙂 Smile 🙂

    Like

  7. Pingback: The moment when I was tempted to kill myself « The Era I lived in…

    1. Thank you IHM for giving me a point to think about…but it was a mixed bag of emotions till the time I had actually written that post, but what happened soon after, made me question the same thing that you rightly suggested.
      I’ll be writing details of those incidents soon that actually brought to me the bitter reality of everyone in my life, their real intentions and made me decide without doubt that I was on the right track of seeking freedom from this relation, for good.
      I am glad to have you reading my blog 😀

      Like

What's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s