Let’s continue from where I stopped last.
My husband was too occupied doing things he wanted to finish while I was miles away and I was too sick to be able to keep an eye on him. The money I had saved for
our my baby’s future was being spent on buying jewelry. Not for me and neither for our baby but for my MIL and her daughters (i.e. my SILs). It was a very disturbing fact that hurt me like I had been stabbed.
The outcome of all the financial and emotional insecurities was, my blood pressure was rising with each passing minute and with each argument between me and my husband on the phone. My gynecologist’s constant reminders and constant requests by my parents asking my hubby to not talk on any issue that might stress me up were all in vain. My hubby never bothered about the outcome his insensitive actions and words were having on both of us (me and my baby).
No-matter how hard I tried to keep stress and worries at bay,the dark thoughts of financial and emotional insecurity looming over my life in the form of reckless spending by my husband and rude, rough and nonchalant attitude by my in-laws only added fuel to fire. The high blood pressure brought along many other complications. My baby’s growth was persistently retarded, needing me to have very frequent sonographies for constant monitoring. They repeated my sonographies sometimes every week.
I was on a long list of medications. Yeah, a time when I should be staying away even from the smell of drugs I was actually consuming ten different items just to stay alive and hope that my baby would survive the full term. It was a nightmare come true. The high blood pressure seemed to see its highest limits for I couldn’t put off the worry of the growth retardation my baby was suffering and hiding the medical reports from me was not possible for I too am from the same field.
My feet were swollen to almost four times, none of my footwear would fit in. I was losing proteins especially albumin in very large amounts in urine further endangering growth of the baby. The amniotic fluids were on a decline and the extreme morning sickness didn’t let me keep food for longer than few minutes. The outcome, I was put on regular IV infusions for the last four months of my pregnancy. I was strictly advised to lie on my left lateral side all the time and as stated before my strict bed-rest was made stricter.
Normal weight gain was a topic long forgotten.(In medical terminology the condition is termed as pre-eclampsia.)
Despite all the complications, nothing changed in my husband’s behavior. All he had to say to comfort me was, “it’s OK it happens with everyone. See even my sister is pregnant and she is coping it all with a smile, so you too will be OK.” For the records, my SIL’s pregnancy was an ideal one. No morning sickness, ideal weight gain, no issues with blood pressure or swelling in feet, C-section and perfect delivery of a healthy baby.
It was a time when my mum, my dad and myself felt that hell had broken lose for the tough times didn’t seem to end. We would get very worried before every visit to the gynecologist, worrying what new complication she might mention today. Time moved on, my feet and veins of both hands and arms (because of repeated infusions to normalize the amniotic fluid levels) were badly swollen by the time I stepped in my third trimester.
At this point of time, I tried to keep myself updated by reading as much I could manage with my current situation. The book I read was From The Hips: A Comprehensive, Open-Minded, Uncensored, Totally Honest Guide To Pregnancy, Birth, And Becoming A Parent~Rebecca Odes, Ceridwen Morris. I’d highly recommend this book, for it actually is a comprehensive account touching on all aspects of pregnancy in a very reader friendly format.
The other most important thing that has helped me at every step and has kept me going is the Gayatri Mantra. I would utter it for hours while lying on the left lateral side with a drip in my arm.
I believe every culture in the world including India has a tradition called baby shower/Seemantham/Agarni/ and other similar names. Where the family (the husband, in-laws and everyone) pray for the mother-to-be and her baby. But, I was the only unfortunate bride whose in-laws said, they didn’t have any such tradition. No prayers or good wishes were needed to be formally sent my way despite the critical condition I was in.
The only tradition my in-laws have is to receive gifts and money from the girl’s family when a baby
boy is born.It’s sickening and absolutely nauseating to even think of the horrid dialogues that were said at those times. During the eighth month my gynecologist expressed possibility of a premature delivery or anything going very wrong for my blood pressure was then at very dangerous levels despite very high levels of anti hypertension medications.
The high blood pressure didn’t serve good if the need to operate would arise or they wanted to save the baby by inducing labor for I would bleed to death before the procedure itself. The stress was mounting with each passing minute, but we had to wait and watch. For those who say, the nine months fly in no time, I literally lived every minute of those 9 months in fear.
Time moved on and I successfully reached the ninth month. Around 12 days short of my due date, when I visited my gynecologist, I was feeling bit healthier and relaxed than I usually did. My gynecologist measured my blood pressure and uttered something very softly to my dad. She looked worried but that was the norm with me around, for I was among the most difficult cases she had seen in her career of 40 years. She examined me and didn’t reveal my blood pressure to me despite my constant asking. The only audible line she said was, admit her in next half an hour. I somehow sneaked at my prescription slip while she was busy instructing my dad. My blood pressure that evening was, 180/120 (the normal blood pressure is 120/80).
the next part is my birth story.
The Song on my mind: