Happiness is an attitude we act upon. We either make ourselves miserable, or happier and stronger. The amount of work is the same.
All my life I have been known for my optimistic approach to life and a warm smile. Not anymore. There are days in a row when I haven’t smiled even once. I’d like to clarify, here, by smiling I mean a happy smile and not a courteous one. I shower the latter pretty promptly many times a day.
The dried up smiles sure have been watermarked by tears that flow promptly these days. I dearly miss my lost smiles. No-matter how hard I try, smiling these days takes a conscious effort and I am sure, the effort shows.
When my (apparently) happy life started falling apart like a pack of cards, I had imagined the future to be difficult. I knew times would be trying. But, among every other chaos, deep within my heart, I had felt that with the love of my dear ones, I’ll surely sail through these rough waters.
Time ticked past. Like a journey in train, life, people, memories zipped past me as I struggled, stumbled yet moved on. But, today, while taking stock of my life, I realized, I am still sore deep inside. My cheeks are still water marked and my heart is still aching with raw pain.
It’s rightly said, people who are closest to you always hurt you the most. Something similar has been going on in my life. I am so miserable that I struggle to spend the 24 hour, everyday gifts me. I am growing bitter and brittle with each second. The negativity in my system is flowing above the danger level and my sanity is the long lost item.
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The song on my mind : Mere dukh ki koi dawa na karo ~ Chitra Singh & Jagjit Singh