If you’re a parent or have children in the house, I’m sure you’ve resorted to giving warnings to enforce discipline. I too have. However, things are a wee bit different in my part of the universe.
What a normal warning scenario looks like:
Parent: Put that perfume bottle down, it’s not a toy.
Child: But I like it, I want it.
Parent: Put that bottle down now. I’ll count till 3 if you don’t listen to me, you’ll see what I can do. One.
Child: Keeps fidgeting with the bottle.
Parent: (Waits a few seconds) Two.
Child: I want to play dress up and use it like you do on my dolls.
Parent: (Bites his/her tongue to resist an angry outpour, waits a few more seconds) Three. The parent gets up and takes the bottle and puts it away.
In my household:
Me: Put that perfume bottle down, it’s not a toy.
Pari: Mumma I know how to use it, I saw you using it just yesterday.
Me: (In a requesting tone) Pari that’s a glass bottle, it’ll break very easily. Please give it to me.
Pari: (Enboldened by being in the position of power, knowing well it’s her mum’s favourite perfume) No. You let me use it, then you can have it.
Me: Kids are not supposed to apply perfumes. When you’ll grow up, I’ll let you use it.
Pari: (Looks straight into my eyes) But by then all the fragrance will go away.
Me: (Getting agitated by this dialogue going nowhere) Let’s talk about it after we put this bottle away. I’ll count to three and by then you be a good girl and put the bottle down. One.
Pari: (Looks at me, then at the bottle and gets busy in trying to open the lid).
Me: (Gets panicked. My mind is calculating the conversion rate if I had to buy this perfume all over again and my mouth is getting dry) Half standing from the chair; two.
Pari: (Uses all her might, opens the lid and sprays in the room with all the energy)
Me: S T O P ( I try to take the bottle from her giving her an angry look).
Pari: (Resists initially, then smilingly let’s go off the bottle) Take it, I anyway gave it you before three.
Me: What? (I can
see feel the fumes rise from my nostrils and ears and my face go red)
Pari: Happily goes and sits in the chair watching me fume.
Pari: (After 2 minutes) Mumma are you still angry with me? Please don’t be angry with me (makes a puppy face).
Me: (I can feel my anger dissipate and myself softening up).
Pari: If you won’t befriend me till I count three then I will again take that bottle from you.
And we both break into laughter.
At times Pari makes me wonder if she’s the parent or I am.
* This post is part of the April A to Z Challenge 2016. My theme is Parenting.
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