I wish to begin by thanking everyone who sent positive vibes my way. Be it in your comforting words or the wishes you might have made to help me swim through this difficult phase, every ounce of positive energy matters.
The beauty of this blog lies in the fact that it always succeeds in drawing out the bitterness, the toxicity in my life. It might be simply because writing is cathartic but I like to believe that this blog is my well of positivity from where I borrow the elixir of eternal optimism from time to time.
This time my pain has been the gift of my reluctance to write freely about all the issues looming large over my mind, pressing hard on my pressor centres. Maybe, its high time I wrote about them at length to let the weight lift off my chest.
Please expect a few password protected posts in the coming days. And since my blog’s readership has been quite dynamic, I’d like to mention that if you’d like the password to any of my posts please fill up this simple form requesting the same. Of the lists I made in the past, I’m certain many people have drifted off my blog. So I won’t be spamming anyone but shall be happy to share passwords on request.
I have lately realized that I tend to magnify my problems by overthinking with all my might. It is only wise to shift my focus to things that need my attention and are important for my peaceful existence. One of such areas is my future.
I have been paying too much attention on my responsibilities of being a parent in recent times, the result is all the plans I made to make a decent living were pushed to the back burner. This approach might appear gratifying in the short span, but in the long run has been causing me a lot of grief.
This is why, slowly but surely, I am working at realigning my focus to invest time and my undivided attention to the work I have recently started (from home). I am confident, the outcome will surely help me regain my confidence while adding to my financial independence.
Being a parent to a baby is far easier than being a parent to yourself. Here, by being a parent I mean playing the coach who encourages you, guides you, stops you when you’re making a wrong move and motivates you to rise and try again every time you fail. Trying to make something out of my professionally destroyed life has been a humongous task, especially in the scenario when I have just myself by my side. The earnings have been few, I have turned down many offers (guided by my principles) and have made some acute choices.
In hindsight though, I have no regrets.
I don’t miss the money I could have made in the past financial year. I am content with the effort I’ve been investing in my child’s upbringing, despite struggling at every step. The one thing evident though is my personal growth. The lessons I have learned from failing endlessly have helped evolve my power of judgement. I am at the penny drop stage when finally I’ve learnt to see through people’s motives right at the time when they make me an offer. Though at this point, I can only hope these turn out to be positive changes.
Around the time when I was pregnant with Pari, I remember having seen the movie, Rockstar. Midst of the heartbreaking sickness (owing to pre-eclampsia) I still remember echoing Ranbir’s thoughts, wishing for life-changing experiences to help him break free as a singer whose soul shines in his craft.
I am confident, destiny was my companion that fateful day. Because from that day on, my life has been a fall-in-the-dark-pit kind rough, bumpy and full of so many setbacks that I believe, one day my soul too will shine in my work. My pain will bleed in my craft and someday, I shall bounce back making all the falling worth it.
These are not mere aspirations, these are my promises to myself and Pari. This is my determination to work hard and make a life for ourselves that we deserve and are fully capable of creating. It’s just a matter of putting our heart to it and shifting focus.
I’m sure destiny will read this post too, like it has read others thus far and will keep me going the way I must, to make these aspirations be the reality of my life in the years to come.
The song on my mind: Kun Faya Kun ~ Rockstar