After attempting the NaBloPoMo last month ( I tried my best and to my credit, I churned out 24 posts in November) I don’t want to return back to blogging hibernation yet again. Luckily, I have not exhausted the topics to write about. It’s just the time crunch that has been keeping me off the radar lately.
With 5 days of the last month of 2016 already over, I can’t help but feel time has literally flown past without me making enough notes in my blog. In the 5 years of its existence, this year in particular saw many long breaks where all I posted were mainly book reviews.
The reason of my disappearances has majorly been procrastination but on a second thought, it has been my urge to record more positive thoughts than the sea of negativity I swum through in this year. With tremendous effort, I am beginning to change that bit.
Nowadays, I have stopped aiming for a positive ending in my writing. Instead, I am content with pouring my heart in words, to keep my emotions flowing free. The walls of over-expectations I earlier used to build were making me feel suffocated. All I was gaining was regrets of not having chronicled my struggles for clarity in hindsight.
While I am still an optimist, my perspective of optimism and hope has changed considerably. I have come to believe that while having faith in positive outcomes is desirable, not fearing the negativity is crucial too. All this while, I have been denying the existence of negativity or waiting for it to disappear making room for positivity to mark a time-stamp in my life. But that is no longer so. I have learnt to accept the setbacks and hope with equal openness.
My biggest recent achievement has been finding answers to a few questions that have been plaguing my mind since childhood. Handling anger and unearthing the triggers that were nowhere close to what I had imagined them to be, has changed the course of my life. Taking the newly learnt lessons as my guide in life ahead is going to be a challenge because the revelations have been pretty painful.
In other news, these days I am trying to read as many books I can fit in my day and I am loving the new-found bond I have developed with non-fiction reads.
The one dilemma that I have never been able to solve is whether a busy life with no time for worry or contemplation is better than a life led at an easy pace with lot of time to reflect and perhaps worry too.
However, I am sort of liking the new-found busyness. It keeps me from over-thinking and helps me stay away from the useless worries letting me lead a rather planned life. In short, I am content with the place I am in, excited about the new beginnings and determined to make every moment better than the previous in my own ways.
The song on my mind: Zindagi ke khel mein kaun ye jaane ~ Khel