The day misfortune knocks at your door, it makes sure it brings along it’s best buddy, interference. I am out of the clutches of the monster(s) in my life, safe and secure with a home to call my own and a family consisting of people I’ve known all my life. But, still, interference continues to lurk in my life and casts shadows of insecurity in various forms.
Had it been easy to avoid, trust me I would have; had it been possible to run away from, I would have done so. The only option left is accepting it to be an inseparable part of my life from now on.
Be it my actions or expenses, my wishes, my plans or my words, I need to give an explanation of them all. I am answerable for every desire I hold for every movement I make, for I am being watched, observed and even talked about. It isn’t easy to ignore, for it only escalates with every effort to do so. It isn’t always from people who don’t matter, though the hurt is most when it comes from people who have always mattered.
Besides cribbing and many times sobbing about it, I have tried to adapt my ears to higher pitches so that whispers don’t touch my ear-drums. I am trying hard to keep a straight face no-matter what is dished out to me in the garb of most pleasant of words.
Every immunity comes with a price. In an effort to stay deaf-dumb-blind-with-a-straight-face I am gradually losing my real self that used to brush away all queries (be it good or bad, out of care or meant to hurt) with a sweet smile. It isn’t that I am turning bitter, but just that it takes a lot of effort to smile like before, maybe because I am not smiling from my heart.
The song on my mind: Is mod se jaate hain ~ Aandhi