Like everyone else I too wanted to step in the new year on a happy note, dreamy and excited to meet the future I’ve been dreaming about. But, I woke up cranky, pushing myself to be chirpy and I really can’t deny the streaks of bitterness tinting my mood. Just when my mind called me hormonal, I noted it’s not me, but the world stepping into adolescence that’s touched my life too. Yeah, the century stepped into its first teen year and am sure the dormant rebel in me is surely going to get unleashed this year.
Among the other oddities, the two things that top my wish list for 2013 are an undeniable urge for independence and desire of companionship. I have had quiet a cranky month. I’ll be honest am not yet back to my sane self. That too has been one of the major reasons why I haven’t been able to blog as often I’d like to. The result, a huge pile competing with Burj Khalifa of un-vented thoughts, dilemmas, fear and pain is crushing my peace of mind.
I didn’t mean to start this New Year with a post filled with negativity, but then I decided to keep it real. I have reached at a point in life where my mind refuses to make up stories. I sometimes find myself resorting to desperate measures just to avoid risking my peace of mind over anything new. I understand that is not the right thing to do, but when you are not happy from within it actually shows in your words & actions.
I had started writing this post on the first day of 2013, but my mind somehow convinced me to stop, get a good sleep and continue typing. It has helped, but I have decided to not edit the parts I’ve written earlier to capture my raw feelings. I am highly disturbed about a number of issues. I can feel the rebel in me raise its head again and again. I really feel like a teenager again. Irrational, confused, tilted towards being fashionable, sulking over not looking picture perfect and everything you can imagine.
But, the good part is, I also feel highly energetic and despite the mood swings, am in good control over my mind and self on most of the times.I already know the cause of my pain and possible solutions too. I just urgently want to move out of the sticky mess I am in, fly free, soar high above everything that can disturb my peaceful state. I think I am looking for a punching bag to just fight out and free myself of the issues bothering me. Yes, my blog is my designated punching bag, and I will fight anything to get things back in the neat order I like them to.
Well, if you want to put the blame of everything you do on someone else, you gotta find a scape-goat that won’t fight back. I have found mine, the innocent New Teen Year.
Leaving you with a song that I’ve been religiously listening to every night in a loop for over a week.
Happy New Year folks!!
The Song on my mind: Heer ~ Jab Tak Hai Jaan