In my heart, I am well aware that my child isn’t my photo-copy. She is an extension of me, an inseparable part of me, but she isn’t a miniature me. However, this understanding fails miserably the minute I don my parent cape.
From the day I started journaling my life as a parent, I have always mentioned how Pari and I are poles apart. We are dissimilar in every possible way. In fact the disparity in our personalities has often (in hours of stress) made me believe that we can never concur on anything without having a need to do so or in the absence of any pressure.
But why am I writing all this today?
Because my long absence in the month gone by was partly due to the mayhem my broadband connection caused and majorly because I’m no way being able to enjoy the differences with my child.
Before your mind wavers to think that how can a 5-year-old child antagonize a 30 something year old parent, let me share with you the complete picture.
It isn’t about Pari not being a disciplined child (on which I shall touch upon in another post) but about my lack of acceptance of our contrasting beliefs. From which side to make a parting in hair to what to eat for breakfast (despite having decided upon this the previous night) to what dress to change into post school, the list of reasons to disagree upon is endless. On more occasions than I would like to count I usually give in to Pari’s whims because those choices are merely her personal preferences but putting this kind of behavior into practice for every single decision has made me age 5 years in a month’s time.
A parent can work at being more tolerant and patient with a child, but having the child step on your toes non-stop can get very disturbing, stressful and even depressing (as in my case). The constant friction that sparks off as soon as the alarm buzzes makes a die-hard morning lover like me, dread mornings. The constant fuss on the dining table makes me lose appetite, pushing me to often get up having hardly eaten a few morsels. And I am not even touching upon the subject of balancing work-from-home in this chaos while making sure the peace in the family is maintained.
Being smart, being diplomatic is what the situation calls for because so has been the advise being poured onto me endlessly. But in my heart I can feel the situation going out of hand, slowly but surely. At 5 years, I expect my child to understand where I’m coming from when we have a one-on-one talk at peace, at a rather quiet hour when we are in a great mood and bonding well. We sleep over it and like a cloud of smoke all the ‘talk’ I gave Pari is gone with the wind. We are back to square one fighting it out like Tom and Jerry, where I’m the cat (despite my desire to be the mouse).
The struggle is real because though my parents have an opinion in my favour in the matter they choose to favor my child over me. So the onus of fixing the mess I have got myself into (not really) is entirely on me.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, an understanding into what has been stealing my peace of mind, been nibbling on my productive hours and making me worry like no-one-ever-should-have-to. But, I just can’t put this behind me, dare to look through it defying its existence because this issue is calling for action. A rather prompt one at that.
This was why I chose to sit over the problem, think deep, observe it from different angles and try to find out a solution in quick, easy steps. That’s exactly what I have been doing in the time I’ve been absent from the blogging scene. While figuring out a solution, I chose to give my undivided attention to my relationship with Pari because I know, nothing else in my life matters more than it.
On a closer look, the problem was actually not what it had seemed apparently, though this finding didn’t change the excruciating pain it inflicted on my being. All these years when I had been conveniently calling my child ‘stubborn’ she was simply being herself. The strong-willed person that she is, who prefers to lead life on her own terms even at her age. Though it is a fact that shall hold true forever, my perception of it had been flawed all along. I was failing to see some key points.
I have come a long way in the days gone by, but all that I shall be sharing in the next post .
Continue reading to the next part
The song on my mind: Tere Sang Yara ~ Rustom