Why I chose to forgive him?

If you have read my earlier posts, you’ll be aware that I am on the verge of a divorce.

I know it sounds very simple in reading (something we hear about every now and then) but it has massive implications on the lives of people involved. In our case, the people who’ll be facing life changing impact are myself and my little daughter. By life changing impact, I am not referring to the so-called social stigma or how will my parents face the society etc.etc. Those kind of thoughts have no room in my mind or in the minds of my family.

The one person I am most worried about is my daughter. She is too young to even understand the importance of a father in her life (for unfortunately she hasn’t had an experience of his love as yet. If you are wondering why,well that calls for another series of posts). I am not worried as to how will I manage taking care of all her needs or her brought up (for I will do whatever it takes for a now-single mum to take care of her baby). My point of concern is her emotional well-being.

I know she’ll miss having her father around during her growing up years. I totally understand how important fathers are for a child, for I have always been my dad’s darling. But at the same time, having a father around for the namesake who doesn’t even care whether his little girl is dead or alive doesn’t make any sense either. I have been stuck in those ifs and buts for a long time. The puzzle is impossible to solve. Hence I decided to go with the choices that feel appropriate to me.

Around 18 years from today, when my daughter will cease being a minor and will get an opportunity to know all that happened in the life of her mother, she might feel what I chose years ago wasn’t the best decision. But sweetheart, always remember all that your mum is doing at this point of time has you and only your well-being as her sole motive.

No-matter what I might have to face, I’m determined to seek justice for the wrong that has been done to me. I trust the law of the land for that important yet mammoth task.

Coming back to the point from where we started, why I chose to forgive my husband despite the physical,emotional and financial pains he has inflicted on us?

I’m not trying be great or brave by doing so. Neither it is easy to forgive nor it is wise to let him go off the hook without being punished for the wrongs he’s done. But, I am not the one who has to punish him for his deeds. He shall pay the price of his bad karma sooner or later. No, I am not going to leave him at the mercy of the Almighty or the destiny, but the guard of our rights, the judicial system shall seek answers from him. I am determined to bring him to justice, yet I have decided to forgive him.

All this while when feelings of rage and revenge were hovering over my mind, I was having a very difficult time concentrating on anything else. Even taking care of my few months old daughter felt like a herculean task. When I sat at peace for sometime, reflected over all that has been going on, I realized how burdened my soul felt. I felt like a prisoner trapped in my own mind struggling to set free.

I was doing wrong with my little baby. Whatever mess we are in is in no way caused by her. Then why punish her by not taking good care of her, just because I am emotionally disturbed? When thoughts like these started filling my already broken heart with tints of mommy guilt, the mother in me decided to find a solution.

I had to let go of these destructive thoughts that sometimes even tempted me to finish myself for the sake of my charming princess. No-matter what wrong my husband did to us,constantly thinking of causing pain to him was bringing sorrow to only two people, myself and my daughter and he still remained unaffected. The constant stress was harming me beyond words. My blood pressure levels which were expected to settle within normal range once I delivered my baby (after a series of complications during pregnancy) were on an all time high. All this stress was doing good to no-one but was harming beyond words someone very innocent.

When no good was sought from all these negative vibes, I decided to set my soul free. I decided to forgive the man who gifted me with the love of my life, the reason why I want to live this life to the fullest ~ my daughter.

Ever since I’ve convinced myself that I forgive him and will no longer let his thoughts cloud my mind, I can see a sea change in my relationship with my daughter. I am able to enjoy every little moment feeling our bond blossom. So many precious little joys were earlier slipping past my hands only because my mind was always pre-occupied with thoughts of revenge.

Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.

Life definitely looks brighter, easier and more promising on this side of forgiveness. This is the reason why I chose to forgive him and let the law of the land seek justice for me.

Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.  – Oscar Wilde

The Song on my mind:

27 thoughts on “Why I chose to forgive him?

  1. I am in no words..Little angel will definitely understand you.. I hope and pray you two have a lovely life ahead. And also let you get justice..
    P.S: How do we call you here.Any name ??

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  2. I’m with you regarding having no father than to have a crappy father who didn’t cared for his daughter..that would bring more stress….
    and it is very wise of you to let go of those negative thoughts (I know it must have been very hard) to take care of yourself and little angel…

    I want to say one more thing (please don’t take offense) that I’m sure you might be having top of the lawyer but if ever you need legal advice (second opinion), just let me know. I can check with my father (with whatever info you will provide) who is practicing lawyer.

    Take care of yourself Era also, you need to be in pink of health……..

    If I could wash your stress away, I would have done that long time ago.. my best wishes are with you and little angel…

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    1. Thank you very much AT for being there and for the kind offer of help…it sure means a lot to me 🙂
      I’ll surely seek help from you in case I get stuck anywhere…thank you once again
      Hugs

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  3. Hi there, Era!

    I suppose I’m a bit too young and, we may say, inexperienced to really comment on something like this, but at least on a rational, intellectual level, for whatever it’s worth, I firmly believe you’re doing the right thing. You are doing what’s right for you, for your daughter, and in some bizarre way, even for the man you’re leaving. Now that you’ve already hit rock bottom once, the only way left to go is up and away!

    Here’s hoping that you guys rise like a bubble to the top of the lake of life, and bask, for once, in the beautiful fractals that the warm wash of the sun casts over you. I don’t even know you, era but just from this one post, I know as well as I know anything that you deserve it.

    Hugs.

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    1. At this point of time every bit of advise that can help me retain my sanity is very welcome. I highly appreciate your unbiased opinion on my post…for it really means a lot.
      Thank you for being there.
      Hugs

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  4. told you in last post too..it’s all the more better to have a father less childhood than having a father who is not worth being around! Sounds too rude and tuff at this moment but I’m sure your little girl will understand when she is able to take in such things….

    good luck !!

    *I’ve a similar story to share and I’ll do a post on it soon….

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  5. Hi Era,

    Your daughter will definitely understand your decision when the time comes. This is an extremely courageous step and I know that it will only do good things to you and your daughter. My hugs and prayers to you. Take care.

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  6. To add, stay positive, whatever be the situation and whatever the pressure imposed on you by the ‘society’. You are definitely a fighter and you will emerge victorious in the end 🙂

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  7. It is always better to forgive and forget than to live with the past which brings no joy to us. And its good that you also initiated judicial process which will make him to realize his mistakes.

    All the best to you 🙂

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  8. Hugs,Era, to you and to your daughter. I too believe you are doing the right thing. It is anyday better to move out than be stuck in a bad relationship. Keep your spirits up,dear girl. May you find peace and happiness soon.

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  9. Well I hope and pray all is well now and things have improved.

    I am a person who belives there can never be a good reason to break a relation .. I am sure things can be worked out .. BUT then some situations happen which change everything

    All the best to you .. good times are just round the corner and I am sure when the little one grows up she will know and understand it all that how you did what you did …

    Keep smiling and BRING IT ON …

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  10. Hi My Era,
    read up on your recent posts. Your pain for the relationship that has ended and sincere feelings for your daughter comes across very strongly. I have no words that may soothe your mind. I can only pray to God that you emerge stronger and life gives you the happiness and love you deserve. I am sure your daughter will be proud of you for your decisions when she grows old enough to understand.
    *Hugs*. ..

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  11. Pingback: When the clouds clear and the sun shines through « The Era I lived in…

  12. I can understand how difficult it is to take ur mind out of deep thoughts of revenge and agony…good that you are out of that situation for the betterment of your daughter’s future..don’t worry she won’t miss her father at all…with the mom like you around 🙂

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  13. Pingback: Forgiven? « The Era I lived in

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