I am sorry for the delay in writing this post. Something very tragic happened this week. One of my blogger friend lost her baby the very same way as I had a couple of years ago. The news threw me in the painful moments of my own past and forced me to write the much overdue next part of my series.
The one year I had spent in desperation of becoming a parent, had seen me prepare for this mega event of my life in countless ways. I was working full-time and even indulged in a second part-time job to save a good sum for my unborn child. The idea behind the savings was, I didn’t want to take any chances this time. I wanted to be prepared for any financial crisis that might affect us in the future.
You can imagine my state of mind by the fact, that though I was in my twenties, I was open to all options of conceiving through medical intervention (including IVF) in case of need at appropriate time. This was also one of the major reasons why I was saving frantically. Juggling two jobs with house-hold chores and no domestic help (though my husband did help me with many day-to-day tasks) was getting too much for me to handle. The stress accompanied, was doing me no good either, for the rule book of conceiving (yeah, I know now I am sounding 100% mad, but at that point of time I had the Chronicles of conception occupy my bed’s side table) said, stay away from all forms of stress. It had somehow become my Bible, for becoming a parent seemed like the sole aim of my very existence.
Anyhow, after a long wait I finally did fall pregnant. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I had no clue I was expecting when I was on a long course of the highest of antibiotics for an insect bite. Something everyone talks against, especially in the first trimester. Anyhow, as my period date drew closer, severe symptoms of nausea lasting till mid-day took over. It was the time when I had visited my in-laws after staying overseas for a very long time. Here,we are talking in terms of years.
Things weren’t quite smooth as far my relation with my in-laws went. My husband was their only son (though they had two daughters too) and the only son could never talk or hear anything against his parents,even from his wife. The situation was like, when I would complain about what his mum said or did to me, he’d say, “you are an adult, you should tackle your problems yourself. Don’t drag me in your mess.” But, when I’d try to make my point clear to my MIL, my hubby would be the first one to make me go quiet.
He was double-crossing me and my MIL. I sometimes feel, had I been given the opportunity to speak to my in-laws openly, everything would have been much better than what we ended up with eventually.
Since, I was back in India after a long time, my MIL tried her hand at the two things she is undoubtedly the best. One is torturing me emotionally about the dowry she always wanted but didn’t get (I’ll do separate post on that massive issue, but the bottom-line was, at the time of our wedding my in-laws had not demanded any dowry. But, soon after the wedding, their secret motives came to fore.) and the second topic was abortions and miscarriages.
The second area of my MIL’s expertise needs some explaining from me. My MIL isn’t a doctor and is in no way qualified to give any kind of medical advise on very sensitive issues like abortion, but still she is the MIL of India, which gives her the right to give expert advise on any topic of her liking. She refers to miscarriages, abortions and all similar mishaps where a mother loses her child as abortion.
In the one month that I was forced to stay with my in-laws during the first trimester of my pregnancy (cause of many reasons including my own ill-health, my husband’s pressure as I had returned to India after a long while, etc) I was given non-stop advises on what all can cause an abortion. The intensity of those sickening talks was such that I had literally told my husband & my MIL to go ahead and write a book on the topic but never dare talk to me on this issue, else, I’ll murder someone the very same minute.
Now I know whom had my husband taken on as far being a sadist went. My MIL drew secret pleasure in seeing me get disturbed by the very mention of a possibility of losing my baby this time too. It was a feeling that I’d not wish even on my worst enemy. I secretly promised myself to fight back every barrier, every person no-matter who he/she was, who would stand in my path of becoming a mother.
Coming to the topic of nutrition in the first trimester of my pregnancy. Everybody knows you need to eat right and nutritious foods when you are expecting. Moreover, when you have a history of a miscarriage, have been sick like a dog cause of the infection in your leg by the insect bite and to top it all the constant stress in the house cause of nagging for dowry and my severe morning sickness, I was absolutely nutritionally compromised.
There were times when I would be craving for food, but didn’t have the stamina to stand up and cook, but my dear MIL would say, cook and eat whatever you please. When my husband would feel pity on my state, he’d buy me a takeaway (against my full resistance, for the worry of infections) that led me to a serious bug in the stomach. The incident left me dehydrated cause of severe diarrhea and vomiting for full 48 hours before I got to see the gynecologist.
It was very tough on me physically and I was dying emotionally and mentally for the fear of losing my baby yet another time. My FIL had been quite sick in the recent past and cause of all these reasons my husband kept me from going to my parent’s place. My parents were very worried and so was I. Nine months looked like a mission impossible.
Time moved on and came the day, when I finally left for my parent’s home. I felt like a bird set free from the cage. I was hopeful, happier and felt healthier the very minute I set foot outside that prison. Little did I realize, that I was actually leaving my in-laws behind for good. I had no clue, that it was not the end but the start of my painful days, the start of the difficult times that would make me strong enough to shoulder the responsibility of becoming a parent someday.
The song on my mind:
15 thoughts on “My Pregnancy Chronicles #3”
That is so sad to read .. I wonder wht the MIL would do if the same happened to her Two daughters .. how will she react to it. I dont want to sound horrible and wish the same on them but still something ot think abut.
I too had thought on the same lines. I guess my MIL is the only woman who speaks w/o any worry of repercussions of any sort.
Pingback: My Pregnancy Chronicles #2 « The Era I lived in…
here is mine..an experience during gestation – http://zradar.wordpress.com/2010/10/15/the-long-9-months/
and pls check my latest blog..i have nominated u for an award
heading over to your post right away
Hugs to you! From all your posts and especially this one, you emerge as one one brave and exceptionally strong soul! Nowhere do I see a trace of bitterness towards those nasty people who tried to harm you and your baby so much. It serves that ex of yours right for losing a precious gift from his life.
I am trying my best to keep these narratives as unbiased as I can make it, with the only seasoning being my own thoughts at those times. I am doing so to let my daughter read the truth without any bias.
Thank you Mandooka for those encouraging words 🙂
Hugs ME, I told this before also everything that happens in life is for a better future..trust me you will be a happy person once you are out of all these..Hugs to the little one..By the way did you name her ?
I too wish for pure peace and happiness once this storm settles for good 🙂
Yup, my next post will be with a name for my daughter…so stay tuned 😀
you have been through a lot of hardships…
hugs Era…hope the coming days would bring peace and happiness…. Take care
I too hope the same AT 🙂
Era you gotta get through all the pain in such a happy days of your pregnancy when you were supposed to remain happy. You did was a right thing; you got to be strong and face this cruel community or the city where you live in India but, all the places are not same so get your rights and live happily and freely.
Things were far away from being normal, that is why they led to such life altering consequences.
Thank you for the reassurances…they mean a lot 🙂
Pingback: My Pregnancy Chronicles #4 « The Era I lived in…
That was too much for a pregnant woman..Well,I was lucky enough to stay at my in-laws only for a week before delivery,but after the baby was 3 months,they brought me back and made to stay for a month and a half,and my god, i fear to recollect the torture and the mental trauma that prevailed.Luckily husband was supportive enough and i had to rejoin work,so I kinda ran away from there.But the 1.5 months without sleep (i literally slept for like 2 hrs in a day – baby awake at night and in-laws in the morning) has left me in lotta depression that i fear i will never be able to accept them again as my own..infact i feel saddistic pleasure when i find daughter not that close to them as mch as she is to my parents 🙂
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