I am sure, you have definitely heard the famous saying, ‘try,try till you succeed‘. If you are married and didn’t declare you were expecting to become a parent as soon as you possibly could, you would have also heard the saying, ‘try,try till you conceive’.
I am not going to indulge in the usual debate, that it is the personal choice of the couple to decided when (and in some cases even whether) they want to have children and the society including extended family has no right to poke their nose in the matter. I am here to share how this saying holds meaning in my life.
When I got married, my husband and I decided to give ourselves and our new-found-togetherness some time to settle before we moved on to shoulder the responsibility of becoming a parent. Nothing unusual or different in that, seeing to the usual outlook of my generation towards career, ambitions and life in general.
Time moved on and so did we in our careers and life. One fine evening, around one and half years after our marriage, my MIL suddenly raised the desire to become a grandmother soon. I didn’t let the topic blow up into an argument or a discussion and without touching the sensitive cord the in-laws usually have for an issue like this I passed on the phone to my husband.
I am a person who sometimes goes to extremes to safeguard her peace of mind. That evening too I did something similar. I handed over the phone to my husband and moved out of the room to watch TV, so that nothing from their talks might enter my system and disturb its peaceful state.
The call ended soon and my husband joined me in watching TV. Nothing unusual happened and I soon forgot all about it. Around a couple of months later, a similar episode happened but this time it was after dinner time. I didn’t leave the room and moved on to read my book and my husband continued talking on the phone. Hardly two minutes had elapsed and I heard my husband say, ‘we are trying since we got married, something will happen the day God will want it to happen’. On hearing this, I slammed the book shut and tried to tell my husband to speak the truth, that we weren’t trying at all.
My husband waved a hand in action to stop me from saying anything while the call was on. I decided to stay calm till the call ended. There was a five minute pin-drop silence when the call ended, then my hubby decided to do the talking. He told me,’ his family will stay happy with the idea that we are trying for a baby and what we do sitting so far is upto us’.
Outright unacceptable and betrayal of faith that the family rested on us, but my husband strongly argued against telling my in-laws that we had no plans of extending our family in near future. The outcome of all this mess was as expected. In no-time my MIL started pouring on us (especially me, for my husband would hand me the phone saying it’s something for your good, so hear it) with countless tips and tricks of falling pregnant.
As if we needed to be taught as to how babies are made, but still I would get a brief and sometimes a long lecture on the topic. As time passed I had no patience left to tolerate the non-sense that was gradually stealing my peace of mind. But all my husband had to say was, ‘If mom is asking you to eat sweet on a few days before sleep or fasting on certain days, it’s her care and concern. Don’t get irritated and do as you please, but don’t break her heart by saying we aren’t trying.‘
The outcome being, the tips soon changed form to a constant push on seeing a gynecologist as soon as possible for (according to them) we definitely needed medical help. Afterall, we had been married for full three years by then. Then came the day when I actually had the good news to tell my dying-in-stress-to- become-grandparents-in-laws but the outcome was shockingly different and the rest is history.
When I look back and think of the things that seriously went wrong in my marriage, all these incidents that looked unimportant and very small at the time actually added up and laid the foundation of what stands today as a broken relationship, an unsuccessful marriage and a trampled heart.
The song on my mind: