My darling Pari,
The past one week has been physically exhausting, emotionally tormenting, financially draining and mentally shocking. The lawyers and courts are now in scene and your parents now meet each other like enemies on the two sides of LOC. Every time my determination to seek an end to this miserable phase of life for both of us gets shaken by confused emotions that once ruled my life, something or the other comes my way to hint, divorce is the only way to seek freedom for us. Forever.
The last time your father and I met for a one-on-one talk (something I thoroughly believe in) to settle all grievances and be assured of what we wanted from our lives was not so long ago. The most painful and shocking revelation that literally knocked me down was how someone whom I once loved blindly now sounded like a heartless money maniac.
Was I literally blind in love all this while or deaf to the hidden intentions each of his actions tried to whisper to me? Though I am not sure of what it actually was, but one thing that I can now see well is that seeking a divorce isn’t going to be an easy game for me. With non stop emotional blackmailing, and threats to harm us in every possible way from your father and his family the only thought that crosses my mind is, all you see and hear isn’t always the complete truth. They are the same people who’d tried to convince me of their love for us the minute legal notices were delivered on their doorstep.
Man is a manipulative beast, who can go to any extreme for his selfish motives. He can distort facts and memories to any extent for fulfilling his secret motives. Seeks sadistic pleasures seeing their rivals (who in our case are actually his own wife and baby) in misery. Always remember to follow your own mind, go by your inner instincts and first hand experiences. Don’t be misguided by what people do or say when threatened with severe consequences.
The fight has just begun and it’s going to get bitter and painful with each passing day for distorted facts and endless lies seem to be the rule of thumb for court cases and lawyers’ tactics. Before my sanity gets lost in the stress all these happenings are gently building up in me, I thought I’ll write a little letter to you to calm down my disturbed mind.
I wish to tell you all that happened over the years of my marriage with your father and also in the tough times of trying to seek separation from the same man for he has flatly refused to give me divorce (not out of love, but for reasons I’ll describe in the letters and posts to come). The only satisfaction I have, even at these moments filled with frustration, anger, hatred and pain is you and me are off the clutches of the monster who almost killed us both soon after you were born.
Hold on girl, just the way I am trying to. Hear, see, think, analyse and you’ll realize there exist countless aspects to this very difficult situation. It feels like being on the chessboard of life, where every move we make needs to very careful for every word I say, every preparation I do will affect you and me in a life changing way.
May the Almighty bless me with courage and rational thinking to be able to swim across these fast currents and earn for us a life that’ll be safe and free from all fears, forever. Amen.
Loads of love and blessings,
The song on my mind: